FLIPPED
by Eveilae
Summary: [COMPLETE] Katsuya and Seto both think the other has it easy. That is, until they find themselves in the other's body. Insanity ensues, which includes bears in Japan, a perverted brother, kidnappers, scary old women and twin fangirls.
1. Life Sucks, Deal With It

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**I was in a joukai oneshot mood. And so I sat at my cousin's house and thought about it for about a minute, and came up with this. Ta-da! Unfortunately this fic got so long it ceased to be a oneshot. There's no angst in this joukai! GASP. AND NO ONE DIES! Now that is an accomplishment for me. There are a lot of Japanese honorifics though. Why? I don't know. Sorry if it takes away from the story, but I just wanted to put them in. Below is a little guide so all are not confused. Oh, and the characters, especially Seto, might be OOC. I think I may have made Seto just a bit insane.**

**Honorific Notes (taken from Ballantine Books; skip if you know it all):**

**_-san: _this is the most common honorific, and is equivalent to Mr., Miss, Ms., etc. It is the all-purpose honorific and can be used in any situation where politeness is required.**

**_-sama:_ This is one level higher than '-san.' It is used to confer great respect.**

**_-dono: _This is an even higher level than '-sama,' and confers utmost respect.**

**_-kun:­ _This suffix is used at the end of boys' names to express familiarity or endearment. It is also sometimes used by men among friends, or when addressing someone younger or of a lower station.**

**_-chan:_ This is used to express endearment, mostly towards girls. It is also used for little boys, pets and even among lovers. It gives a sense of childish cuteness.**

**_Bozu:_ This is an informal way to refer to a boy, similar to the English term 'kid' or 'squirt.'**

**_-nii: _(not from Ballantine Books) brother**

**_(blank): _The lack of honorific means that the speaker has permission to address the person in a very intimate way. Usually, only family, spouses, or very close friends have this kind of permission. Known as _yokisute_, it can be gratifying when someone who has earned the intimacy starts to call one by one's name without an honorific. But when that intimacy hasn't been earned, it can also be very insulting.**

**I don't know if I spelled konnichiwa right, sorry about that. Correct me if I'm wrong.

* * *

**

"Da-ad! Why _now_?" Katsuya had been in the middle of putting on his coat when his father had called him over in an overly sweet voice, which gave away the fact he wanted a favor from Katsuya. And _of course_ his father asks him when he's about to leave.

His father blinks back at him blankly in response to Katsuya's whine. "Katsuya. I'm merely asking you to ask Sanouke-dono from downstairs for some sugar." Katsuya rolls his eyes as he turns his back on his father, annoyed about how his father just doesn't _get it_. Damn him.

"Fine, fine. Whatever." He finishes pulling on the second-hand blue coat. He would wear his newer, warmer,—mmmm, _warmth_—one, but Seto seems to like this one . . . He pulls on his boots, and wonders if he should call Seto to warn him that he's going to be late. Nah. Seto will just have to deal with him being late. God knows he's used to it anyway.

As he's closing the door shut behind him, Katsuya throws his father's back a look. You know the one, where you pull down the skin under your eye with one finger and stick out your tongue at the same time to imply that you want to bite their nose off. If you don't know the look, you do now, which is just as well. It's Katsuya's favorite one.

"Old fuckface," he murmurs under his breath as he begins walking down the stairs. "If he wants sugar so badly, he should go get it himself." The apartment building is unusually silent for midday, and Katsuya's boots sound deafening as he approaches Apt. 22. He knocks loudly, but there's no sound of movements beyond the door. He knocks again, louder, and more impatiently. "Old _bag_."

Finally, after what feels like _hours_—but is actually closer to minutes—he hears footsteps on the other side of the door.

"Hello, Sanouke-dono." Katsuya isn't sure he should really _show_ that much respect for the old woman . . . but it does seem appropriate. She's old enough to be flattered by garbage like this. Katsuya can't help but relay the words in a cold tone, though.

She gives him an odd look, and Katsuya is left feeling awkward. Perhaps he should have said that in a kinder manner. He shuffles his feet a little bit, waiting for her to speak. Isn't she going to say anything?

"Jounouchi Katsuya, is it? Your father is a good man. What happened to _you_?" She shoots him another look, but Katsuya is too occupied by trying to hold his tongue. It's a good thing he isn't as hasty to anger as most people think he is. If he were, he probably would have tackled the old woman to the ground just for that rude comment. In fact, if she starts on his case again, he actually _might_.

But really, this woman has known him for all of two seconds and already she's forming an opinion about his integrity? What god has it in for him?

"My father needs some sugar," he growls through clenched teeth. He's going to get what he needs and get out. Quick and easy.

"Sugar?" Sanouke says in a soft, thoughtful voice. "Yes, I believe I have some." She moves more fluidly than Katsuya would have thought possible for an old woman. But as she motions for him to follow her inside, he finds something else to occupy his mind with. The apartment smells quite differently from his own, like . . . candle wax and smoke. A long, thing tendril of smoke rises from two candles on the table in the middle of the room, and Katsuya assumes the smell is being emitted from that.

He nearly trips as he follows Sanouke-san through the sporadically placed furniture. He curses his lanky frame and long limbs when he nearly knocks over a tall, clear vase filled to the brims with small black beads. He pauses to further inspect the vase, as he places it further away from the edge of the table.

The beads seem to have intricate white designs etched onto them, and Katsuya reaches out to the vase once again with a curious hand. Unfortunately, before his fingers can come close to the beads, a sandal hits his hand with a dull thud, and he yelps in surprise and pain.

"Shit!" At least he has the decency to look embarrassed at his outburst when he turns to look at the old woman standing in the nearby doorway. In one hand she holds a bag—full of what Katsuya hopes is sugar—and in the other she holds the sandal to match the one that attacked him. He grins sheepishly at her, and takes a couple of cautious steps away from the vase. "Heh, heh. Sorry."

Her stony expression doesn't change. "Do not touch anything, Bozu." She sighs and lets the sandal in her hand fall the ground. It makes a loud thud as it hits, and I half expect to hear angry broom banging back from the apartment below hers, but nothing happens. "I remember the days when children recognized symbols of power and knew enough to be wary around them." Before Katsuya can open his mouth to question her about her words, she takes a few steps towards him and pushes the bag into his hands.

"Leave now, Jounouchi-san." She pushes him gently, but steadily, towards the door. Katsuya even thinks, for a second, that she chuckles. He's out the door before he can comment or thank her, or do _anything_ at all. As she closes the door shut with a _click_ following it, he mutter to himself, "I bet _Seto-chan_ never has to put up with this!"

* * *

That selfsame Kaiba Seto is coming out of another hectic meeting, his mind whirling still from the ideas that had sprouted up during this conference. The next months is going to be _hell_ if things go as planned. If they don't . . . they will. Seto refuses to accept anything less than that.

He walks back up to the fifth floor, where his office is found. As he steps past his secretary, he catches the familiar whiff of nail polish wafting from her desk. Does she ever do any _work_?

"Kaiba-dono," she calls out in a faux chirpy voice. He should tell her that he would rather if she talked like an actual human being. She cuts him off before he can even open his mouth, though. "Shouldn't you be, you know, _at home_?" He turns to look at her with a raised eyebrow, which is the closest to a confused expression as she's ever going to see him get. She's saying this too pointedly. What is she trying to imply?

She seems to stifle a sigh. Irritating woman, Seto thinks with a mental frown. "You told me not expect you today, because you were having dinner with Jounouchi-san and your little brother," she explains, leaning over to open a drawer on her desk.

His eyes widen, and he rushes back from where he'd come in. His trench coat makes a loud snap, like a whip, as he leaves without a word. The secretary would be insulted if she wasn't completely accustomed to having Kaiba Seto show no gratitude. She takes out her nail from under the folder she'd slipped it under as soon as he'd come in.

Kaiba isn't quite as smart as he thinks he is, she thinks to herself with a chuckle.

In fact, at that very moment Seto is wondering the same thing. He's been running a company for years, but he can't remember that's he's having dinner that night? He climbs into his car, and steps on the glass, nearly running over an employee in the process. Oh well, she had a suspicious look to her, anyway. She's probably selling him out, and deserves to get run over. Seto fleetingly wonders if he should go back and aim this time.

Driving _more_ like a maniac than usual, he hopes Mokuba isn't worried. His little brother likes to ignore the fact that his onii-sama has raises him practically his whole life, and the worrying is usually the other way around. Wheels squeal against the concrete as he takes a sharp turn.

Well, it's not Mokuba's fault he's a huge kidnapping magnet. But now that Seto's thinking about it . . . Mokuba seems to be looking forward to it lately, as he carries several items on his person at all time, as if to be prepared for the inevitable. Maybe he hopes he'll get a beautiful woman kidnapping him. Damn puberty, and those stupid movies where the beautiful kidnapper falls in love with the abducted.

As he reaches his house, and slams the door open, he wonders nonchalantly if Katsuya has worn that jacket he likes . . .

Instead of finding Katsuya and Mokuba sitting on the couch, playing video games, he encounters an empty living room. Shit.

Mokuba! Katsuya! Fucking kidnappers. There should be a _law_ against this.

Kaiba mentally blinks. There _is_.

"Mokuba? Katsuya-chan?" he calls out tentatively. He doesn't expect an answer, really—

"Nii-sama? **Finally**!" Mokuba pads down the stairs, his filthy socks muffling the sounds of his feet against the wood.

"You're not . . . kidnapped?" Seto is confused for a second. Katsuya doesn't seem to be coming out, though. "Katsuya-kun's been kidnapped!"

Mokuba just stares blankly at his brother—who looks slightly crazed and more than a bit concerned. Eventually, Seto realizes Mokuba hasn't answered and he frowns. "Did she seduce you?"

"_What!_" Mokuba leans towards his onii-sama in surprise. "_Who_!"

"The kidnapper!" Seto cries in exasperation and grips Mokuba's shoulders tightly. "Does she want the company or just money?"

Mokuba opens his mouth retort angrily, when both siblings pause at the sound of a door slamming behind them. "Sorry I'm late," Katsuya calmly says as he closes the door behind him, and begins to strip off his jacket—which Seto can't help but notice _is_ the one he likes.

Seto lets go of Mokuba and rushes over to Katsuya. Mokuba's left glaring angrily at Seto's back, and rubbing his aching shoulders as Seto reach out to . . .well, he doesn't know _what_ he wants to do, so he pulls his hands back.

"You're not kidnapped by some gorgeous, possibly scantly-clad, woman that seduced Mokuba into silence?" Seto asks, and he's still awfully confused.

Katsuya looks past Seto at Mokuba, but Mokuba only shrugs his shoulders in response. Katsuya looks back at Seto, who looks concerned. It would be sweet if it weren't so _odd_.

"Seto-kun, you watch too many movies." Katsuya grins teasingly, and ruffles Seto's hair gently. Seto growls, and stomps off into the kitchen, muttering something to the effect of, "There should be a _law_." God, Seto _hates_ Katsuya sometimes. His life just seems to utterly carefree. He's free of routine and the clock doesn't hold a perpetual whip, ready to snap it at him if he's late. He has it easy, no need to worry about kidnapping and company bankruptcy.

All Katsuya has to worry about is friendship overload. Damn it.

* * *

**Since I have about 20 pages of this written (so far. i'm not done, with the story yet), I will update rather frequently (once a week). Each chapter will be about five pages, like this one. **

**YAY FOR UPDATES!**

**Show me some love. **


	2. There Are Bears in Japan

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**Come on, don't make me turn emo on all of you. Review. . . you know you want to . . . okay, maybe not._

* * *

_**

Katsuya awaken, and he's _warm_. He must have slept the night at Seto's, he assumes. He rolls over to smother said Seto's neck with kisses, but his arms wrap around empty air.

Damnation, why the _fuck_ does Seto wake up so damned _early_! Katsuya groggily lifts himself out of bed, and looks around for his clothes. He usually finds them splayed across the room randomly, but this morning he can't find a _single_ article of clothing.

The door opens and Mokuba-kun steps in, a shocked expression on his face. "You're not _up_, yet?"

Katsuya responds in a husky voice, "What'ya mean? I'm up!"

"Yeah, but you're usually leaving for school by now." Then he gets an impish grin on his face, as he continues. "Not counting those frequent occasions where Katsuya-kun tires you out with kinky sex on school nights!"

W-w-what! Since when did Mokuba start talking like this? Seto and him don't have kinky sex—that often.

Wait . . . Katsuya-kun. That's _him_.

Then he looks down, and realizes that the floor is father away than it had been last night. Last night . . . when he'd _walked home_. From Seto's house. Also, his toes are unusually long and pale. Katsuya wriggles them experimentally, and finds they even _move_ strangelyWhat's going on?

"Hold on, Mokuba-kun!" Then he rushes into the bathroom. Before he closes the door though, he yells back at Mokuba, "We don't havekinky sex!" Then he slams the door shut.

But not before he hears Mokuba's exasperated response. "Not _this_ argument again. I have _ears_, you know." Again! He's never talked to Mokuba about sex, much less _kinky_ sex, and much less the kinky sex he could have with his brother!

Then he flicks on the light.

And starts screaming his ass off.

* * *

Seto stares at himself in the mirror. Except it's not _him_. The face staring out at him from the mirror has long blonde hair, most of it hanging in his face, and large golden eyes that are especially familiar to Seto. The face is Katsuya's.

It looks odd, though, this face. The expression on it is uncommonly cold and serious, which are too things one never associates with Katsuya Jounouchi. It's _Seto's_ expression. Thank god.

Wait . . . could this be another ingenious plot to steal his company? Bump his soul into Katsuya's body, take over _his_ and steal KaibaCorp? Damn it. Why do the geniuses always go after him?

Seto rushes out the bathroom and his halfway to the door when a voice calls out to him. "You're up early this morning, Katsuya." Oh crap. This must be Katsuya's father. He remembers the one and only time he'd met him. It had ended in disaster, of course. His father had taken an instant dislike to the confident and intimidating teenager. How would he respond if this attitude were to come from his own offspring? Seto takes a deep breath and prepares himself for some major acting.

"_Good_ morning, father." Seto walks back, trying his luck at a loose swagger. He's certainly watched Katsuya enough to know how he walks. How hard can it be?

He earns himself an odd look from Katsuya's father. "Is something wrong with your leg?" Seto feels himself redden, and gets irritated at immediately. Damn Katsuya. His body responds harshly to embarrassment. He shakes his head, and feels the thick blonde curls brush against his forehead as he does so. Oh, this is going to take quite a bit of getting used to.

"Well, what's with the early-bird attitude all of a sudden?" The elder Jounouchi places a plate of eggs on the table, and Seto doesn't see another choice but to shove the food in his mouth as quickly as possible and leave. So he sits down, and picks up his utensils quickly.

"No reason," Seto mutters. He hates small talk.

Unfortunately for him, Katsuya's father sits down across from him at the table and begins eating as well. "Well, um," The man looks quite awkward, as if he isn't sure how to word his question. Seto finds himself enjoying his stumbling. "How's . . . Kaiba-sama?" The man manages to growl this through clenched teeth, and Seto is pleasantly surprised the man managed as much. Even so, he can't even begin to guess how Katsuya would answer this question. So . . . why not have some _fun_ with this?

"He's delicious, father." Seto keeps his eyes down, and unfortunately misses out on the man's facial expression. After a second he hears the man put down a glass, and begin to cough. Seto looks up, and makes an attempt at a concerned expression. "Are you okay?"

Katsuya's father merely glares. "I'm fine, Katsuya." They eat the rest of the meal in silence, which Seto enjoys immensely. He finishes, and brings the dishes into the kitchen as quickly as possible.

"Well, I'll see you later." Seto's almost to the door this time—his hand is just _itching_ to pull it open—when he hears Katsuya's father call out.

"Wait!" Seto rolls his eyes towards the ceiling and growls lowly so that he doesn't hear him. Then he turns around and sticks an interested look on his face.

"What?" Seto doesn't manage to wring all the bitterness out of his words, but plows on, just wanting to get out now.

"Your bag." Seto wants to hit his head with his hand for his stupidity. _Of course_. He's Katsuya, he reminds himself. Katsuya takes a bag to school. He catches sight of the blue bag against the wall, next to the TV, and lunges for it, trying to get it and run before he's interrupted, _again_.

He makes it to the door, and is standing outside without any problems. He lets out a breathe of relief. Good. Now he can . . .what can he do? For the first time since he'd realized he wasn't in his body, he realizes the depth of what has happened. He can do all the things he's dreamed of doing for years, but never could. He's Katsuya, the boy who's hasn't got a routine and lives life by the second.

He walks down the street. First things first . . . some horribly sweet food. A lollipop? Hmmm . . . when was the last time the great Kaiba Seto had eaten a lollipop? He waltz into a candy shops and simply admires the treats for several seconds. Goood . . . Then he reaches into his pocket and . . .

Shit! He's Katsuya! And Katsuya _never_ has money. Damn, shit, damn. And he was really looking forward to that lollipop, too. He slouches out of the store, disappointed. Fine, he decides. I can . . .erm . . .

How is it that the one day he actually has some time to do _anything_, he can't think of anything to do? Hmm, there has to be something _free_ he can do. He walks down the near-empty streets as he ponders. He wonders briefly if the kidnappers have used his body to take over the company yet.

Ah, ha. There's something to do! No doubt Mokuba wouldn't mind hanging out with his brother a bit. Even if it _is_ about six in the morning. Well, he can always skip school just for today . . . he won't be missing much of extreme importance. Or at least nothing he hasn't learnt about five years ago.

So he walks all the way to his mansion, surprised—and rather glad—that Katsuya's body is in good shape. It was a rather long walk. He knocks on the door loudly, demandingly, and is annoyed that he has to wait several minutes for someone to answer. And than a thought—that he feels should have come to him before—appears in his brain, as mice tend to do in the kitchen when you leave cheese out for a long time.

Mokuba's been kidnapped! He gets ready to push the door open when some saves him the trouble. It's Mokuba. "Yes!" Seto pumps his fist into the air, another thing he would have never allowed himself to do in his own body. "You're _not_ kidnapped!"

Mokuba sighs and holds his head. "Yes, yes, onii-sama. Didn't we go through this _yesterday!_"

* * *

Katsuya is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, scared to look in the mirror. How did this happen? Is this one of Seto's subtle tricks to try and teach him some sort of lesson? Can technology even go as far as to do such a thing as this! "Onii-sama? Is everything all right in there? Are you constipated or something? Or did you get a hard-on just _thinking_ about kinky sex?"

Katsuya screams. No more, no more! "Mokuba-kun _stop talking about kinky sex! _You're too young. You've absolute _ruined_ my image of you. You were Seto-chan's cute, innocent, computer-smart little brother, kind of like a Yuugi-kun for Seto-chan, but know you are his perverted brother who can hear us through the wall!"

"You were a little off yesterday, but . . . _you're_ Kaiba Seto, onii-sama." He sounds confused, but Katsuya isn't very concerned with him.

"No! I'm Jounouchi Katsuya and somehow I'm stuck in this devilishly handsome body!"

"Devilishly handsome? I wouldn't say—wait, _what?_! Are you saying you're _not_ Seto-nii!"

"No shit, you pervert!"

"Stop calling me a prevent! You're the ones who have loud sex all the time! I'm starting to think you _are_ my onii-sama!" Katsuya is getting awfully tired of this argument, and opens the door to the bathroom—while carefully avoiding looking at the mirror—and brushes past Mokuba.

Somewhere below, someone knocks on the door.

Neither of them moves for a little while, as if each expects the other to rush forward to answer it. Mokuba growls as he realizes that Katsuya isn't planning on getting the door. Katsuya sits down on the edge of the bed and holds his head. How can this be happening? The hair under his fingers is soft, and it feels strange, even though he's put his hands through it more times than he can count.

Touching his face gingerly, he feels all over his face desperately, trying to somehow prove to himself that there's something of Katsuya there.

There isn't. The fingers are smooth and thin, so different from his own, which are thick and full of small injuries. His face is narrow and silky, and there doesn't seem to be any stubble at all on his chin. This isn't his face, but he's in there. This body doesn't even move smoothly to his demands. He wants to walk freely, but the body's too stiff and tense to move the way he's used to.

Also . . . if his soul is in Seto's body . . . Seto's soul must be in _his_ body! The thought of Seto invading his most private possession—his body—sends chills down his spine. And not the good sort. It's as if by just _being_ in his body, Seto will, with his uncanny eye for detail, know some secret of Katsuya's.

And worse, it seems he has _school_ today. Goddamn it, he doesn't _need_ this today!

"Katsuya?" Looking up, he sees—shit—himself! His own messy brown hair, golden eyes with a sharper glint to them. But yet . . . once he begins staring at him a bit he realizes that there are differences. The expression on his face is so _stiff_, so serious. It can only be cold, stoic Seto in that body.

"Yeah." Katsuya stands up and finds himself looking down at himself. He reaches out with a long, pale finger—they usually feel cold when they're touching him, but they don't feel very cold now that they're _his_—and pokes his body. Seto-in-his-body squeaks and he looks up at Katsuya with a look of surprise.

"You're ticklish!" Seto cries angrily as Katsuya throws his head back and laughs, although afterwards his throat feels sore. This body is probably unused to laughter. Then he pokes Seto-in-his-body again, and a smile slips onto the stony face momentarily, just to disappear and be replaced by an annoyed frown.

"Stop that!" Poke. "Eh-hee, stop!" Poke. "Oh! Katsuy-" Poke. "Hee, hee, you fuck-" Poke. Slap.

"Owww . . . " Katsuya murmurs, holding his cheek with one hand, and through his fingers he shoots Seto-in-his-body puppy-dog eyes. Seto-in-his-body chuckles, and replies in an amused voice, "You know, that puppy dog look doesn't work on my face. Makes you look like an idiot. And for the sake of my reputation, I ask you to _not_ use it." Poke.

"Hee. Katsuya!" Seto-in-his-body suddenly begins growling playfully, and Katsuya finds himself pinned against his own body and the bed. "I wonder how this body would respond to being on the top for once," he whispers huskily into Katsuya's ear.

"I knew it! I leave the room for a second and you guys start at it! Can I move out!" Seto-in-his-body jumps up guiltily. His face quickly reddens, and Katsuya suppresses a giggle. He's never seen Seto blush, so at least he has gotten his revenge for all those time Seto has made his cheeks flush.

"We weren't having sex!"

"You were about to!" Then Mokuba stops and just stares at Seto-in-his-body blankly. "Seto-nii . . . you're blushing." Then he covers his mouth and not very subtly stifles a snigger. Katsuya sends him a knowing look.

"Kidnappers never come at opportune times!" Seto yells as he rushes out of the room, nearly tripping over Katsuya's slightly oversized feet in the process. "Damn you Katsuya, and your damn feet!"

"Sorry!"

* * *

Seto and Katsuya both rush into class, making an attempt to ignore the looks that their fellow classmates are giving them. Ryou catches Seto's eye—obviously thinking it's Katsuya—and grins impishly. What is _that_ about?

"You, Kaiba, I can see actually having a reason to come in late for class, but Jounouchi, here, on the other hand . . . " The teacher give Seto an evil look, which Seto finds extremely insulting to his pride. No teacher has ever _dared_ give him an evil look, even when he was as young as ten years old. Even then he knew more than the teacher, and she (sometimes he) would pray that if they kept out of his way maybe he wouldn't show them up.

"Who _says_ I don't have a perfectly viable reason for being here late?" _Viable_, the class practically whispers in unison. _Since when did Katsuya of all people begin talking like this?_

"Are you saying you do have one?" The teacher challenges, raising a hand to her hand, and an eyebrow higher on her forehead.

"Yes, of course." He stops, and the teacher obviously expects him to continue. Seto grins inwardly, waiting to see just how long he can make her boil before she explodes—or implodes, whichever comes first.

"Well?"

"Yes?"

"What's your perfect viable reason!" Seto sighs, as if such an answer is _simple_ that he is ashamed that he should even have to say it aloud.

"I nearly got eaten by a bear." The whole class is completely silent. In fact if you had been there, and you had whispered something in your lowest voice to your teddy bear, the whole class would have heard you perfect and would have laughed you out of the classroom while you flea in tears.

"You _what_!" The teacher asks incredulously, as if she's giving Seto another chance to think up a better excuse. He denies the offer and simply repeats himself. The teacher pauses, and then says in a low voice that everyone hears anyway, "Are you _stupid_?"

"What does my intelligence have to do with nearly getting mauled by a bear?"

"You did not nearly get mauled by a bear!"

"Really?" Seto asks, raising an eyebrow and giving the teacher the best glare he can give in this horrible, anti-glare body. "Prove I wasn't nearly eaten by a bear. Well, can you?"

Seto gently lifts up a bit of his shirt—and several girl gasp in anticipation—to expose a large red area on his skin. "Is this proof enough?" Then, as if annoyed that the teacher would even _dare_ doubt him, his pushes up his sleeves as well. There are scratches up and down his arm and a few girls gasp.

_What the hell happened to Katsuya_, is the general feeling in the room. It's not like anyone believes the whole bear thing. Who the hell ever saw a bear in Japan!

"A bear?" the teacher asks, puzzled, and it seems that she's definitely wavering. Meanwhile, Seto glances back at Katsuya, who is staring at him wide-eyed and with his mouth open in surprise. Seto glares back at him, trying to make him take that _stupid_ expression off his face.

"Yes, a bear!" Seto says, his voice angry now and this joke no longer funny. He pushes past the teacher towards his seat without another word. As he plops himself down on the seat and realizes Katsuya is still up there, looking awkward and slightly nervous. In _his_ body!

"Um . . ." Why is Katsuya staring at the class with that fish look? Oh, _god_, there will be _nothing_ left of Seto's reputation if he doesn't do something, and _now_. So he jumps up—again—and rushes to the front of the room, pulling Katsuya-in-his-body out of the door with him.

"I think the bear gave him rabies, hold on!" Seto says the teacher as he passes her. She no doubt has another suspicious look on her face, but like all other teachers, she lets any event that includes Kaiba Seto just pass on by.

"What's _wrong_ with you, Katsuya?" Seto whispers furiously in the hall.

"Besides the fact I'm stuck in _your_ body! I have to act cold and mean and uninterested all day! How is it you expect me to do that, exactly?" Katsuya's arms are flailing around as if by confusing him, Katsuya will make Seto understand. Instead a look of amusement crosses Seto's face, and he lets out a chuckle.

Seto presses his lips softly to Katsuya's (although it's the other way around . . . kind of), but it's short-lived and leaves Katsuya pouting for more. "If you think you've got it rough, think about the predicament _I'm_ in," he says softly, ignoring the pout on Katsuya's face (which is actually his own . . . ahhhh!). A look of horror comes onto his own face (which is Katsuya's) as he continues. "I have to pretend I _like_ those friends of yours. I have to pretend I care about Anzu's idiotic lectures and revel in Yuugi's innocence and find Honda's stupidity endearing."

"They're not _that_ bad," Katsuya snaps, annoyed that Seto is beginning with this crap again.

"Not if you're you." Seto smiles runs his own unfamiliar fingers down Katsuya's cheek, surprised at how lightly they could move. "You're much too nice to admit they annoy the crap out of you . . . "

"Nice? I bullied Yuugi a couple years ago and I used to make it a habit to think up ingenuous ways to see up Anzu's skirt. Maybe in your eyes that's nice, but not in the general public's."

"Okay, so you put up with them out of guilt?"

"No! I put up with them because I _like them_. You might find that thought a little odd, but people tend to _like_ other people." Katsuya's insulting Seto's ability to instantly dislike people on sight . . . again. It's time to bring this conversation to a close, Seto decides.

"Fine, fine. We just have to act like the other for a day. Not too hard, do you think. And despite your utter lack of faith in me, I can be nice, if I wish to be so. And if I can be friendly Jounouchi Katsuya for a day, you can be stoic—"

"—you mean stick-in-the-ass—"

"—Kaiba Seto."

Katsuya-in-his-body sighs in resignation. Then he looks down at Seto and Seto finds himself staring in amazement, once again, at the way his face has changed now that a kinder, friendlier, happier soul is in his body. It scares him as he realizes he must _not_ be kind, or friendly (well, he _knew_ that), or happy. He'd never really _thought_ about it before, as happiness had seemed to be a bonus, not a necessity, in life.

"Just for a day, then."


	3. Jounouchi Katsuya the Alien

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF**

_Yuugioh does not belong to me._

**Story that Seto/Katsuya is reading is Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Personally, I like it, but I don't think Katsuya would. It's too Russian Just kidding. I don't see Katsuya as a big reader.**

**Damn you, This is two days late. Not that I think it makes that big a difference but . . . I like actually being able to update so quickly xD**

* * *

"What the _hell_ was that thing with the bear this morning, Jou?" Honda asks incredulously as his peers surround Seto. Stupid, irritating Honda. Katsuya is lucky Seto likes him or else he would have already told Honda to piss off.

"I really did nearly get eaten by a bear."

"Unless that bear was Kaiba-sama, I highly doubt that," Ryou responds mischievously, looking away casually as if what he'd said was a careless comment.

"Eaten by . . . " Honda murmurs softly for a second, and is immediately interrupted by Anzu.

"Ryou-kun! Hentai!" Then she glances back at Seto. "You guys _weren't_ having sex, were you? I know you two came in together but . . . " She looks slightly uncertain now, as if she believe it is fair possible they had. Kaiba is a little miffed that Katsuya's friends think he has such a powerful sex drive.

"I fail to see how that is _any _of your business M-Anzu-chan. I do not ask what you and Atemu-san do Saturday nights, and I expect the same courtesy in return." That makes Anzu's mouth clank shut, and she blushes furiously. Yuugi stifles a giggle. Seto raises a slim eyebrow (though it isn't very slim anymore. It's rather hairy. Ewww . . . ) in Yuugi's direction. He isn't quite as innocent as he pretends to be is he?

"What's with the way you're talking, Jou?" Honda asks, leaning forward across Jou's desk as if by looking into his eyes he'll be able to read what's wrong with Seto on his face or something. Seto stifles a growl and shoves Honda back violently.

"Would you rather me grunt at you like a primate? Is that a language you can translate, you—?"

Anzu suddenly jumps up and points at Seto accusingly. "I knew it! It's been hanging over my head all day since you two came barging in here late as hell!" She pauses for dramatic effort until Ryou kicks her, and her face distorts. "That hurt!"

"Go on . . . " Seto says, coldly appreciating Ryou's action.

"Fine. Bastards. You are . . . an alien that has taken over Jounouchi-kun's body!"

Everyone just seems to blink at her. Blink . . . blink . . . blink . . . until Seto decides he's tired of blinking at her. So he says in a purposely slow voice, "Are you _stupid_?"

"Hey!" she cries, sounding hurt. "You never used to argue with my alien theories _before_ . . . when did this sudden change of heart happen? Unless you _are_ an alien, and then you are proving me right!" She sounds idiotically triumphant, as if she had actually just said something that made any sense at all. Which she had not.

"I never argued because I was of the firm belief that incredibly naïve people should be pitied, until this morning when a bear tried to eat me and—"

"Shut up about the damn bear!" Honda's leaning over the desk again. Seto narrows his eyes dangerously. Honda's definitely pushing his luck this time . . . You see, _this_ is why Seto never hangs out with Katsuya's friends!

"That bear was obviously an alien in disguise . . . " Anzu murmurs, and rests her head on her hand as she leans over her desk thoughtfully. Seto hadn't been sure whether or not Anzu was serious about the whole 'alien invasion' thing. Now he's sure. And with this knowledge he now knows that she is a complete idiot.

Seto gets up in flurry of hair and flailing limps and nearly falls over. "You're all incredible _stupid_!" And then he runs off into the hallway, muttering inanely.

"Watatatatatata yes?"

Anzu hits Ryou upside the head in response. "Shut up, Ryou-kun. You're obviously only making things worse."

"Me! You're the alien freak!"

"You're the masochistic one who likes SM with Bakura-san!"

"I _so_ don't! Give it up, won't you! You're just jealous because Bakura's—"

"You're not making fun of Atemu-chan's stamina _again_, are you?"

"Ma-a-a-aybe!"

Seto growls as he holds his head in the hallway. He desperately wants nothing more than to be in his own body and in his own house. He hates the stupidity that those friends of Katsuya display all the time. The only one of them worth anything at all is Yuugi, and even he can get irritating with his let's-all-be-the-best-of-friends crap that spouts out of his mouth like water out of a faucet.

And Anzu's idiotic belief in aliens? And Ryou is _obviously_ an SM freak, no matter how many times he may defend himself. If he's planning on staying with Bakura he'd better get used to those assumptions. Or had he forgotten Bakura _likes_ causing people pain? Why the never-ending argument about it then?

This day is going to last _forever_.

* * *

And it does seem that way for Katsuya as well. He has to _sit_ there and watch his friends beat up on Ryou for his 'habits' (he is _definitely _an SM freak) and on Anzu for her alien ideas—which are rather amusing when one gets used to them. And he hates sitting on the side like this, pretending to read this book that Seto told him to read (he said his fangirls would notice if he changed books midway). It's about a man who's poor and _blah_, it's so boring. The back cover _says_ that he kills someone, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

How does Seto read these things, Katsuya wonders despairingly as he throws down the book in exasperation. He catches a few fangirls copying his actions, and this annoys him further yet. Do they _have_ to copy every little thing he does! It's so bothersome! He yawns. Yet again, two fangirls yawn as well. He scratches his crotch. He hears several muffled gasps of outrage, and feels accomplished.

And the day passes in the same manner, with him doing random scandalous things to keep the boredom at bay. He also sneaks peeks at Seto across the room, who seems to be very close to strangling either Anzu or Honda. They keep throwing little notes at him, and he's been throwing them back unread.

No doubt Honda's been asking for sexual advice (as per usual, he's been trying to nail Otogi for _ages_), and Anzu could be asking anything from which lollipop he might want to whether or not he thinks bunnies look better gray or white. That's just Anzu for you. You can't help but find her endearing. Unless you're Kaiba Seto, who doesn't even find ponies cute.

Not even rainbow ponies. A little part of Katsuya dies remembering Seto's disdain towards 'Jeremy'.

And so the day passes and as Katsuya's getting ready to rid himself of this horrible, horrible day by going home—or to Seto's house, more specifically—Yuugi approaches him. Not too odd, Yuugi approaches Seto every so often. Usually to preach friendship and love and rainbows, which Seto find infuriating.

"Hi, Seto-kun!"

"Hello, Yuugi-sama," Katsuya replies in the coldest voice he can manage (which isn't very cold at all, at least not by Seto standards).

"Do you know why Jounouchi-kun has been acting so strangely lately?" Katsuya and the smaller boy walk, side by side, out the door and down the hall towards the exit.

"Not particularly. I think that bear scared him this morning." Katsuya can't help but roll his eyes. He had never known exactly how little imagination Seto really had. Really, a bear nearly ate him? No one would believe that. Especially from Katsuya's mouth. Well, he thinks—very amused at the thought—that Seto probably hasn't ever had to make up an excuse. He just says his name and everyone forgives him. Either way, it was sure was lucky he'd fallen down a huge flight of stairs while leaving his house that morning. That was mostly the reason they'd been late to begin with.

"Was there really a bear?" Yuugi's eyes go wide and Katsuya swallows a giggle. He's just so _cute_. It's like he's _asking_ for someone to trick him.

"Of course. It was huge and brown and it wanted to nibble on S—Katsuya. Chan. Katsuya-chan." Katsuya is having troubles saying honorifics after his own name. Especially when he's talking about Seto. Katsuya would have liked nothing better at that moment than to leave have some ice cream to unconfuse his brain.

"So, Yuugi, is there a reason you came over here?" No, Katsuya thinks, that's too nice for Seto. "To bother me? Because it's working." He's scared for a second that Yuugi will break into tears, but he only smiles gently.

"It's okay, Katsuya-kun. I know it's you."

"**What!**"

Yuugi raises a thin eyebrow, as if _Katsuya's_ the odd one. That's Motou Yuugi for you. Armed with only his cuteness, he can defeat any army, no matter how incredulous they may be. "I know its really Katsuya-kun in there. Kaiba-sama isn't doing very well trying to act like you. It sounds just like him."

Katsuya lets out a breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. "Thank god! I thought was I was going to _die_ pretending to be Seto-chan!" He gives Yuugi a huge hug, and Yuugi squeaks—reminding Katsuya of a giant squeaky toy. He swallows a giggle.

"You can let go now, if you want, _Kaiba-sama_."

This should have tipped Katsuya off, but he was too enveloped in relief to realize anything. That is until a voice is suddenly yelling into his ear and he lets go of the smaller boy to sock that particular person in the stomach.

"You cheating bastard!" Someone's pushed him against the wall and all the air he'd been letting back in the last few seconds flew right back out again. "And you try to seduce cute, little Yuugi-kun, of all people! You are such a _louse_!"

"He wasn't trying to seduce me!" Yuugi says to Honda and Anzu—who are the two responsible Katsuya not being able to even ask what the _fuck_ they are talking about.

"It's okay," Anzu says in a soothing voice, and pats Yuugi's super-spiky hair. "You don't need to defend this asshole. It'll be better for Jounouchi-kun if we denounce this scum before he does something he regrets."

Katsuya coughs and in a raspy voice, answers, "Well, if you're talking about sex, don't worry. He's quite good in bed." Yes, I am, Katsuya remembers, and a large smirk comes onto his face to rival any of Seto's.

Unfortunately, no one sees this accomplishment because the smirk turns into an 'O' of surprise as Anzu launches herself on him, all nails and slaps. "Stop! I wasn't seducing Yuugi-kun, _damn it_! Get off me, Anzu-san! Stop being a _bitch_!"

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Anzu-san?" a cold voice drawls above the two of them, and Anzu stops attacking Katsuya—thank goodness—to look up at the speaker.

"Jounouchi-kun," she begins in a relieved tone, and slides off Katsuya. "This asshole was _hitting_ on Yuugi-kun just now! Can you believe it?"

"No, I don't, actually." He raises an eyebrow in the direction of Katsuya, who's getting up. He doesn't know how to explain this to Seto, so he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

"We _saw _it, me and Honda—"

"There we go, _even_ less reason to believe it. Let's go, Seto-chan." Seto takes Katsuya's hand and begins dragging his sexy—if he does say so himself—and bewildered lover towards the exit.

"Say goodbye, Seto-chan!" Katsuya whispers desperately. What the hell does he think he's doing, being so _obviously_ Seto-like? No wonder Yuugi figured it out! The only reason Anzu and Honda hadn't was probably because they were thick as hell.

"Au revoir," he yells back at Yuugi-tachi, and smirks at the glare Katsuya gives him.

"You _are_ an asshole, Seto!"

"Well, it is my fault that your friends irritate me to no end? In the short time I was forced to put up with them—which I did for you, mind you—I have realized my opinions of them were too high." They're outside of the school now and Seto's hurrying pace has slowed. Katsuya finds it nice, Seto's hand in his, that is. Even if his hand is larger than usual, and their respective relationship with the other seems completely out of wack.

And then Seto throws the good feeling out the window and shoves Katsuya against the wall, kissing him soundly on the lips. Katsuya—who truthfully would much rather be doing fluffier things—kisses back without simulation. Seto breaks it off, and looks at his sharply. "_Try_ to get into it, won't you? You owe me, you know."

"I _don't_ owe you! I had to put up with annoying fangirls all day! And I was lonely! I think _I'm_ the real victim here." Katsuya manages to cross his arms across his chest, pushing Seto away a little bit.

Seto growls and pulls away completely, putting several feet between the two of them. "I had been looking forward to that all day, too," he mutters dejectedly and seems decidedly angry. Katsuya almost—nearly, but not quite—regrets having rejected Seto's kiss, but he's not in a kissing mood. He's in a cuddle mood, which is depressing because Seto _never_ cuddles. Unless he's sleeping, and that doesn't count.

After another couple of seconds of silence, the two begin walking once again, towards Seto's mansion. Katsuya wonders if he would get away with taking Seto's hand again. He decides not to risk it.

* * *

**What a shorty chapter. Blegh, sorry. **


	4. Mokuba Throws Books When Angry

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_Yuugioh does not belong to me. The Brothers Karamazov does not belong to me._

**Thank you all those that have reviewed so far. It is really, really hot this morning. I don't feel like writing more.

* * *

**

"We're home, Mokuba-kun!" Katsuya's voice echoes in the huge house, and Seto instinctively winces at the sound. He usually hears this sound right before Mokuba pounces on him.

"About _time_," Mokuba steps out of his room and looks down at the two of them acutely. "Did you guys get into a fight?" Seto glances at Katsuya. They aren't making it _that_ obvious, are they?

"No, Mokuba-kun. We're both fine." Katsuya begins walking up the stairs to meet Mokuba, and Mokuba nods his head towards his room. "I've found something interesting, actually . . . " He gives Seto a look that he doesn't want to take the time and read before leading Katsuya into said room.

So _I'm_ the bad guy, then, Seto thinks angrily as he slams his bag down on the ground. Forget Katsuya. He decides he doesn't _care_ what Mokuba found, and if it's truly important, he can show Seto later.

He goes into the kitchen and slips his hand into the marmalade jar where he keeps a bit of loose change for occasions such as this. He slides out about 2000 yen, and walks out of the house.

Katsuya's life isn't as easy as he had thought it would be. Sure, his cell phone hasn't made a peep all day, but he's still _worried_ about his company. He's still Kaiba Seto, after all. Still, ice cream and a lollipop will no doubt cheer him up immensely.

"Katsuya-kun, konnichiwa," the tall woman at the counter grunts as he sits down on one of the numerous stools next to the counter.

"Konnichiwa," Seto replies brusquely, slamming his money down. "Give me a lollipop and ice cream."

She pauses, and frowns, as if she doesn't much like his attitude. Like Seto _cares_. He wants ice cream and he wants it _now. _"How much ice cream and what—"

"A lot! I don't care what kind, just load my cone with ice cream!" He slumps down on the counters and listens to the woman lift the money up and walk off to get him his treats. His eyes flutter shut, and he thinks back on the day he'd first gotten hooked on ice cream.

Of course it's a Katsuya-related memory. Stupid ice cream addict. It was all his fault, in the end. Every fault Seto has is practically Katsuya's fault. Either that or Katsuya has been the first one to point out it's a fault and not an asset. It had been a approximately a month into their relation when Katsuya had asked Seto to lend him money to go get ice cream.

Seto had been beginning to get tired of Katsuya's constant need for money (this was before Seto had grown accustomed to it, obviously). He grudgingly agreed to give him some, and so the two of them went down to this very ice cream parlor. And so Katsuya had convinced him—with little nibbles on the ear more than with words—to buy some ice cream him. And so Seto had conceded.

He had more likely than not spent more than fifty thousand yen on ice cream since then. If Seto went bankrupt, that would be Katsuya's fault too.

"Here you go, Katsuya-kun," the woman says darkly, and hands him the biggest cone he's ever seen, and the ice cream—of all shapes and colors, Seto is glad to note—is spilling over the sides. He grabs it out of her hands greedily, and sticks out his tongue to begin his task of lapping it all up.

"So, Katsuya-kun, what's up with the attitude? Did you get into a fight with your boyfriend?" Another employee has approached him. Damn Katsuya and his outgoing attitude that, in turn, wins him so many friends. How inconsiderate of him. Now Seto has to put with them.

"Yes. He went after me with a chainsaw," he replies truthfully.

"What?" She screeches, and he goes to cover his ears, instead smudging his cheek with ice cream. Damn it. "No way. I mean, you told me Seto-sama could be a little _dramatic_, but you never mentioned violent . . . well, at least not _that_ way . . . " What! Katsuya has been discussing their bedtime activities! Seto will _get_ him for this!

"Well, the real trouble began when I cut his hand off with a knife." This is more fun that he would ever have thought it could be. Tee hee.

"_Now_ I know you're shitting with me, Katsuya-kun. You prick," she says as she begins clearing the counter with a damp rag. "There's no way you'd cut off those precious hands. Not the way you've described them!" She laughs.

Now he's curious about what _exactly_ Katsuya has been saying about his hands.

"Um, I've got temporary amnesia. Can you describe _in detail_, exactly what I've told you about Seto-chan's hands?" He leans over the counter without realizing it, licking his ice cream languidly.

She smirks up at him. "You _pervert_, Katsuya-kun! Go ask your boyfriend for sex instead."

"Please?" Seto doesn't even make an attempt at puppy-dog eyes. He knows he will fail miserably.

"You know very well what you've said! But you've bought so much ice cream that I'll grant you a favor." She pauses in her cleaning to lean over the counter until there's about four inches between their faces. Seto hopes she won't try and kiss him. "You've told me that when those hands are on you, you melt into a little mutt puddle, and Seto-sama laps you right up. I don't know if that's a metaphor for something _naughty_, or for something cute. And then there are the times you go on about how _good_ it feels when—"

Okay. Katsuya is now officially forbidden from speaking about their sex lives to his friends. "Okay, I think I've got it." A blush is spreading up his neck. Damn, damn, damn, Katsuya's body blushes so _easily_.

She cackles insanely, and returns to her chores. "Well, you _asked _. . . "

They talk sparingly as Seto continues to eat his humongous ice cream cone. When he's done and has been handed his lollipop, he gets up to leave. "Well, goodbye, then."

"What, no _kiss_ for me, Katsuya-kun." Kiss! What . . . Seto spins around and gives her a suspicious look. She raises an eyebrow and swats him with her rag. "I was _kidding_, Katsuya-kun. God, what's _wrong_ with you today? I'm a lesbian, baka!"

He inwardly sighs with relief. He had wondered for a moment about Katsuya's taste in lovers.

"'Bye," he throws back at the girl as he gets up to leave. She flips him the bird over her shoulder in response. The little Seto that lives in his head screams and holds his head in frustration. He's going to lock Katsuya in his basement and never, ever let him out! Not even the kidnappers will be able to get him from down there!

Seto laughs manically as he walks away.

* * *

"Where the _hell_ is Seto-chan?" Katsuya is pacing back and fro, a deep frown on his face. He stops momentarily, to see if he's made a indentation on the wooden floor yet. He hasn't. 

Back.

And fro.

Back.

And fro.

Back.

Thud.

"What did you do that for!" Katsuya screams at the kid on the couch, rubbing his injured head with his hand. He glances down at the book from the shelf that is now on the floor. _The Brothers Karamazov _by _Fyodor Dostoevsky_, it reads. Katsuya grimances. Seto must like that boring Russian bastard.

"You know as well as I do that my onii-sama can take care of himself," Mokuba replies lazily, leaning back against the couch. Mokuba wonders fleetingly if there's anymore of that soy cherry chocolate ice cream in the fridge. Glancing at Katsuya for a second, he deduces that, no, there probably isn't.

"Well, I suppose. Hey, did I tell you about the excuse Seto-chan made up for us being late?" Katsuya leans forward, a grin spreading across his face just remembering the horrible lie Seto had told that morning.

Mokuba finds himself mirroring Katsuya's expression. "I don't think my onii-sama has ever had to tell an excuse in his life. How'd he do?"

"_Horrible._"

They both laugh. "So, what'd he say?" Mokuba finally asks, idly twirling a bit of hair around his index finger.

"He said . . . he was mauled by a _bear_." He laughs at Mokuba's unbelieving expression. "No lie." For a second Mokuba resembles a fish out of water, and Katsuya is about to ask him if he needs some water when Mokuba falls off the couch. Oh shit, Katsuya thinks.

Did I kill him? Mokuba's crying on the ground—from pain?—and Katsuya rushes over, asking in a trembling voice if he's alright. A soft, choked sound escapes from Mokuba's lips and Katsuya screams. He did kill him!

He's up and running out of the room before he can really think anything out. He just knows he needs a phone—now! An ambulance, as fast as possible! When Seto finds out, there's going to be _hell_ to pay.

Unfortunately for Katsuya, he slams right into Seto almost as soon as he steps out the door. "Mokuba-kun's dying!" He cries, nearly delirious with worry and guilt.

"**What!**" Seto yells, rushing past Katsuya—who's still on the ground from crashing into Seto. He just stares at Seto, waiting for the inevitable cry of pain that Seto will let out . . . any moment now—

"Katsuya-chan, you _idiot_!" Katsuya—still on the ground . . . maybe if he doesn't get up it'll all go away—crawls into the room, and peeks past the side of the couch shyly. He sees a huge grin on Mokuba's face as he . . . laughs?

He's laughing!

"I'm going to _kill_ you, Mokuba-kun!" Katsuya lets out a battle cry worthy of any hairy Norse warrior and prepares to launch himself onto the younger boy—although he would have liked an ax, he can torture the perverted boy ax-less.

Mokuba jumps up, a foolish grin still glued on his face—I'll wipe that grin off for him, Katsuya thinks viciously—and runs to the other side of the couch. "That won't stop me!" Katsuya cries and jumps over the couch, his hands outstretched to—

"Katsuya-chan, Mokuba-nii, stop it, now." Katsuya finds it oddly disturbing to find his own voice being so . . . demanding. He kind of likes it. Maybe . . . he glances at Mokuba wearily. No. He's not going to give Mokuba _any_ ammo. If Katsuya and Seto can switch bodies, who knows? Maybe Mokuba can read minds.

Mokuba giggles—in a very unmanly manner, Katsuya notes condescendingly—and leans over the couch, as if teasing Katsuya with the possibility of being able to strangle him. But he can't, and Mokuba knows this. Damn it. Why is Mokuba so _clever_? Katsuya crosses his itching arms over each other instead of sending them towards Mokuba's neck.

"So, what exactly was it you found, Mokuba-nii?" Seto asks exasperatingly.

Mokuba's grin slides off his face, and his expression turns serious. "Well, first off, there are plenty of—"

"If you had _been_ here to begin with, Seto-chan, you would have heard all this technical crap already," Katsuya interrupts immaturely, pouting slightly. Seto glares at him, but Katsuya ignores that.

Mokuba rolls his eyes when he's sure Katsuya's done whining, and continues. "As I was _saying_, there are plenty of cultures that have myths about body switching, or soul exchange as you might want to call it." Seto nods to show he's listening, and slips his lollipop out of his back pocket. The wrapper crinkles lightly as it is pulled off, and Katsuya looks up at the noise. "So it'll be difficult to find anything useful until—"

"Hey!" Katsuya cries, jumping up and pointing at Seto accusingly. Seto blinks—surprised—in response.

"Wha—get your finger out of my face!" Seto says, slapping it.

"Where did you get that lollipop?" Katsuya growls, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he looks over the lollipop in Seto's hand. Lollipop. LOLLIPOP.

Seto sticks out his tongue at the accusing boy—Mokuba wonders if Seto has been in Katsuya's body a _little_ too long—and clutches his lollipop all the tighter. "What's it matter to _you?_ It's _mine_."

"Why didn't you get _me_ one?" Katsuya whines, sitting back down with a plop and a pout. Why is life so hard on him? His rich lover refuses to even buy him a lollipop. How sad. And so he sulks.

Seto ignores him, and this annoys Katsuya all the more. Mokuba starts up again with the _blah blah blah_ about _blah blah blah_. Who really gives a shit? He wants a _damn_ lollipop, that's what he wants! More sulking is in order!

"Katsuya-kun, _listen to me **damn it**_!" He finally realizes that Mokuba is yelling at him, and apparently has been for some time, since he's quite out of breath. Good. He's related to that miser, so he deserves it.

"Whaaaaaat?" Katsuya replies lazily.

"Did you see anything odd yesterday? A weird drawing in one of your notebooks, something stuck on you, a peculiar bruise, anything?" Katsuya puts his hand under his chin thoughtfully and ponders for a moment. Hey, he thinks suddenly, isn't this the pose that guy in that sculpture takes? _The Thinker_. Maybe someone will sculpt him! They can call it . . . hmmm . . . _Katsuya Thinking_.

"Do you think I would make a good sculpture?" Katsuya says out loud, looking up at Seto hopefully. Instead of concurring words, he gets something thrown at his head . . . again. Damn it, no one in his house _appreciates_ him!

"You're supposed to be thinking about odd things you saw yesterday, mutt!" Seto says, and glares at him.

Katsuya glares at the lollipop in his mouth. Hey, if he kisses him, will he taste the lollipop?

Out, thoughts, away with ye!

Would it be weird to fuck myself, he wonders as he stares at his own golden hair, and brown eyes.

**Away thoughts, away, damn it!**

"Well, I did see these cool bead things in my neighbor's apartment. God, which reminds me, my father is such a _lazy_ bum! He asks me to get sugar, even though he's not busy with _anything_! Can you belie—"

"Just shut up, Katsuya-kun. Shut. Up." Mokuba sighs, and massages his temples. Katsuya's expression deflates and he leans back against the couch. No appreciation. Zip. Zero. Nada. "What did the beads look like?"

"Well, the design was black and painted all over. They were swirly, and fun to look at, I guess." Katsuya just wants to go home, and lay on his bed, staring out of the window. Or he would even like lying on Seto's front yard, staring up at the clouds that a passing by gently. He's so immersed in his thoughts he doesn't even notice Seto come over and sit next to him. Well, at least not until Seto reaches over and pulls Katsuya into a one-armed embrace.

Katsuya is shocked. Seto? Showing open acts of endearment? Katsuya decides to take advantage of this moment, and snuggles closer to Seto. It's a bit of a tight fit, since now Katsuya is bigger than Seto, but he doesn't mind. It feels . . . nice.

It seems Mokuba is_ still _talking. Damn, how annoying. Blah blah blah. Bla—oooh, is Seto playing with his hair? Katsuya leans into the touch, smiling gently.

"You guys aren't even _listening!_" Mokuba cries in frustration and throws a book—_heavy, heavy _books, damn it—at each of them, then exits the room, still fuming. Seto moves to get up and follow him, as a good brother should.

But Katsuya has _other_ things on his mind, none of which include Mokuba. If they did, Katsuya would not able to easily imbed himself into polite society. He pulls Seto down towards him, and purrs gently against his ear, "Now, how about that kiss you've been waiting for."

Mokuba puts on his headphones and curses Katsuya and his older brother.

* * *

**Damn, this is nearly the point I'm at. I need to write more by next week. I also need this plot to advance. Sorry, it will move on next chapter.**


	5. Seto Cried During The Notebook

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_Yuugioh does not belong to me._

**Thank you all those that reviewed. Sorry that this chapter was late, but I was really into my Naruto stories.

* * *

**

Seto wonders if his younger brother will notice the slight limp in Katsuya's gait, as he enters the room, said Katsuya in tow.

When Mokuba glares at him after merely glancing at Katsuya, Seto decides that he has. Shit.

"Well, did you figure out anything about the beads that Katsuya-chan mentioned seeing?" Seto says, trying to be casual, and sits down next to his little brother.

Mokuba pouts—shouldn't he be a bit more mature than this, Seto wonders—and doesn't answer. Seto massages his temples and sighs darkly. Eventually, though, Mokuba relents, and begins to speak.

"It could anything, but there's an old pagan spell—Celtic, druidic, something like that—that supposedly could be written on spheres—beads, in this case—and used by 'immortals.' It's weird, and vague, but it seems to fit." He looks over at Katsuya, and it seems that all grudges have been forgotten—for the moment. "Katsuya-kun, how old do you think that old lady is?"

"Hmmm," Katsuya think, placing a hand on his chin, and raising his eyes to the ceiling. "I dunno? She's been there _forever_. I mean, I've lived in that shithole apartment building all my life, and she's been there as long as I remember. Never really spoken to her before, though."

"Then, for all we know, she could be one of these 'immortals.'"

Seto sighs again, and sinks down deeper into the couch. "How is it we're even _considering_ this? Immortals, spells written on beads? If this is going to become some kind of modern witch story, it could at least be a good one. This is so _corny_!"

Mokuba stares. Katsuya stares.

"Like a corndog?"

"What!"

"Really! Where the hell did that come from?"

"You said this was corny. Like a corndog?"

"No! Not like a corndog! As in _fucking stupid_."

Mokuba takes a couple deep breathes before speaking. "Let's go speak to this lady, then." Seto raises an eyebrow. _He_ wanted to say that. When did his brother get so . . . forceful?

"I'm _hungry_," Katsuya whines, rubbing his stomach gently. "I don't think you eat _nearly_ enough, Seto-cha-a-n."

"We're going," Mokuba says firmly, taking each of them by the arm and pulling them towards the door. Seto and Katsuya exchange slightly scared looks as the black-haired boy drags them out of the house.

In the car, Mokuba forces Katsuya in the backseat, where he begins to pout nearly immediately. Seto looks back at him through the rear-view mirror, and can't help but grin. His puppy is just so _cute_!

Mokuba is frowning heavily, and is forced to poke Katsuya viciously in the ribs every so often to make him behave. Sometimes it does feel like the Kaiba brothers own a dog, the way Katsuya acts.

After a _long_ ride, they finally reach Katsuya's apartment. Mokuba takes command once more. "Okay, Katsuya-kun and I will go and question the woman, and you, Seto-nii, will go see Katsuya's father. He's no doubt worried that his son hasn't returned from school yet, right?"

Katsuya shrugs. "I guess. But he's worried a lot in general, so being late isn't a big deal for me anymore."

Mokuba has to stop and rub his temples as he thinks. "Well, go up anyway, onii-sama." He takes the doorknob—which feels greasy and _gross_—and goes to turn it when . . .

"Seto-chan, you did bring my key, didn't you?"

"What?" Seto cries, outraged. "What key?" Mokuba smacks his face exasperatedly.

"The key to get _in_!" Katsuya screams back.

"Look," Mokuba interrupts the two of them before they both start having tantrums. "Isn't there another other way to get in, Katsuya-kun?"

Katsuya stops, and puts his hand up to his chin in a stereotypically thinking pose. "Well," he drawls, "we could climb up the fire escape and go in through the hall window."

Mokuba sighs exasperatingly. "Okay, then. We're going through the fire escape. Lead on, Katsuya-kun." Katsuya, Seto and Mokuba walk around the building where they reach the fire escape. It's paint is chipping, and it looks more brown than red, now. It clacks horribly when Katsuya pulls it down, and Mokuba's eyes widen in surprise and fear.

"What if someone hears all this noise and calls the police?" Damn it, this is what happens when they put _him_ in charge. He's fourteen years old for god's sake! He's not some street tough youth, nor is he a jaded genius, like them. As previously stated, he's _fourteen_.

Katsuya waves away his questions with a quick flip of his wrist. "Nah. I go up here all the time—"

"Well, that's good. That means we can trust it to hold our weight," Seto begins before Katsuya finishes his sentence.

"—if by all the time you mean I've vaguely heard it was possible."

Mokuba sat down on the concrete hard, staring up at the third story window that was their goal in despair. "We're _doomed_," he cries, clutching his head in both hands.

Katsuya rolls his eyes. "C'mon, Mokuba-kun! This is easy. It's not like you can_ die_ from a fire escape!" He steps climbs up the first ladder so that his feet are on the first rung. "See, do I look fatally injured?"

Mokuba looks at him incredulously. "Didn't you see that movie, Final Destination II? You know, the one where he jumped down from the fire escape, slipped and the ladder came loose, and stabbed him in the eye?" Katsuya pauses, thinking about this rather deeply. After several seconds, he jumps down from the fire escape, and runs over to Seto.

Seto gives Katsuya the usual confused-but-slightly-amused look as he clutches Seto's midriff (although, it's really _Katsuya's_) tightly. "Seto-chaaaan, I'm scared! **Mokuba** scared me with his scary movie references and such!" Seto pets the brunette's head lightly, and is briefly surprised at how soft his own hair is. It must be that conditioner he uses, he decides. Note to self: buy Katsuya some of that lavender-smelling conditioner.

Mokuba's standing up, hands on his hips in the stereotypical arguing stance (though an organization of females recently signed a petition attempting force males to cease their usage of such a move because it makes them look like females. Especially when they have long, black hair.) "Oh, _you're _the victim now? Who was the one that had to sleep with all the lights on and rather loud music last year because a certain _someone_ showed me the Exorcist _and_ Battle Royale in the time span of six hours?"

"Hey! You said you were _bored_," Katsuya retorts, trying to defend himself.

"Yeah, and that's just _asking_ to be traumatized, right?" By this time Seto has already pushed Katsuya away from him, and is glaring at him.

"_You_ were the one that left that movie in our house? **I cried my ass off during that movie asshole!**" Seto joins Mokuba in the ranks of males-using-the-_female­-_arguing pose.

Katsuya raises a thin brown eyebrow at the blonde. "You were so scared by the Exorcist it made you _cry_? You were actually _scared_ by something?" His eyes widen in shock, and he seems to be hyperventilating.

Seto frowns. "No, baka! _Battle Royale_!" He begins sniffing, and turns his head to hide the secret tears. "Their love withstood the will of the government! And the cutie in the beginning gave his life to defend the honor of the woman he loved and respected!" Even from the back, it is rather obvious that Seto's crying hysterically—though quietly—by the way his shoulders are shaking, and his hands are covering his face. "_How sad_!"

Mokuba and Katsuya exchange matching looks of sheer terror. Seto . . . is . . . crying. Over a movie where more than forty characters die horribly gory deaths. For some reason, that is oddly fitting for Seto.

"Nii-sama. You laughed during The Notebook, didn't you?" Seto nods silently, still sobbing through his fingers. Mokuba shakes his head in exasperation, apparently having forgotten how traumatized he had been by Battle Royale, since the shock of his brother's reaction to said movie. "You know what, Katsuya? If you're going to be a little _baby_, I suppose I'll climb up first. If I die, please tell my hysterical brother I love him." And so, Mokuba, quite bravely, I might add, approaches the frightening fire escape.

Seto pauses in his bawling to watch his brother jump up and down several times to reach the bottom of the ladder. "How valiant," Seto utters in a low tone. Katsuya nods, agreeing silently.

Mokuba finds that he wishes he had paid attention in PE when they had been practicing their pull-ups. He struggles for quite awhile before he finally manages to pull himself up. "Mokuba, old boy, get some upper body strength." He quickly climbs up that first ladder, and as soon as he's finished that first task, he stares up sadly at the remaining two.

As he climbs those, he thinks a good many things. Among them, Katsuya and Seto's odd dilemma. Even if this woman is the one they are looking for, how are they possibly going to convince her to change them back?

He also wonders if Seto's insanity is genetic. He doesn't want to ever get _that_ disease. Baldness come if you must, but leave my good sense alone.

Perhaps he should cut his hair. He's tired of getting confused for a girl. And/or a female character his brother based on him. Which is probably a subtle hint of his brother's for him to get a new hairstyle. Sure, it was a little cute when he was ten, but no longer. Fourteen-year-old boys with long hair don't look like rockstars anymore. They look like fucking idiots.

Unless they ride skateboards. In which case, they still look like idiots, but idiots with very good balance and coordination. Unfortunately, Mokuba has neither and seems to have failed the test that one unknowing takes to be a society-accepted teenaged boy with long hair.

Okay, that's it. Mokuba decides firmly that he's cutting his hair, as soon as possible, as he climbs through the hall window. "Okay, guys, it was fine! Start climbing, now!" He pivots around to glance at his surrounds, only to be faced with his brother and Katsuya.

"What! When the hell did you two get up here?" Mokuba cries, enraged.

"Oh, some guy leaving the building opened the door for us. We would have told you to come down, you had _just_ pulled yourself up to the first ladder, and we felt bad making all that work go to waste," Seto responds logically, but of course, logic doesn't sound well on a face with tear-stained cheeks, and golden eyes that look like they're secretly laughing at him.

"I hate you, nii-sama! You are so _fucking_ sadistic!" With that said and done, Mokuba runs off. Unfortunately for Mokuba's pride, he soon realizes he has no idea where he is going, and he wanders back.

Katsuya giggles, but his fun is cut short when Mokuba bites him in the arm. "Ahhhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhh!" Mokuba quickly lets go and backs off before Katsuya can throw him against the wall by habit. Raccoons and small foxes have a natural affinity for Katsuya's arm, it seems. Thus, scars line his arms that make people think he's suicidal.

Seto gasps. "What the hell was that for, Mokuba-nii? That's _my_ arm, for your information! I want it back in the same general condition, okay? Anyway, what if you have rabies or something?"

If this was an anime, Mokuba would at this moment turn chibi and throw Seto out the window. Either this, or throw himself out the window. Luckily for both Mokuba and Seto's general health, this is not an anime and the window remains unbroken. This causes no amount of relief on the landlord's part, for one. Instead, Mokuba replies in voice that barely contains his anger, "Seto . . . do I _look_ like I have rabies?"

Seto pauses, and gives Mokuba a good once-over. "Well, if you _squint_ a little . . . " Mokuba is about to launch himself onto his brother in his fury when a door opens, and a book hits him in the head. Hey, Mokuba thinks indignantly, rubbing his head where the book had hit him. That's _his_ trick!

Katsuya turns to look at the doorway out of which the book had come. The attacker had been that same old lady from yesterday, donning an odd outfit. She's wearing a rather tight navy t-shirt with the English letters T, E and H on them, as well as a plaid skirt to match. In fact, she isn't even an old lady. And yet she's coming out of Sanouke's apartment building.

And looks far too much like her Katsuya's liking. Logically, he assumes that this stranger must be Sanouke's granddaughter.

"Oh, hi there," he greets her friendly. "We're here to see Sanouke-sama. Do you know if she's home?"

The girl raises an eyebrow and purses her lips angrily. "Hello? Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Um, you _are_ Sanouke-sama's granddaughter, right?" Katsuya's beginning to wonder if this is even the right building . . .

"No. I _am_ Sanouke!" Katsuya blinks . . . and then decides more blinking is in order. And still more. There is not enough blinking to cover his shock.

"You said that the woman was _old_, Katsuya!" Seto cries, pointing rudely in 'Sanouke's' direction.

She takes another object from behind her back and with perfect aim hits him in the head with a bible. "Just who do you think you're calling old, bozu? I'm only about a hundred! That's about a fourth of what I expect to live, so you shut up!"

"So you _are_ a witch!" Mokuba cries, and joins his brother in the Point League. Katsuya slaps his hand down before yet another book hits the smaller boy.

Sanouke rolls her eyes, and closes her door, displaying the large sign hanging off her door. It reads in large, bold letters: **Sanouke Kyo, Residential Witch.**

Both Seto and Mokuba turn slowly and glare at Katsuya, who is trying his best to look innocent. "Look, I didn't _see_ the sign last time I was here, okay? I was thinking about _other_ things!"

Mokuba and Seto pick up the books they had been hit with and launch them at Katsuya, who rushes to avoid the incoming attacks. He fails miserably.

* * *

"So, can you fix us, or not?" Katsuya asks, now that the three of them are seated on a couch placed in the dead center of the room. He is currently nursing three wounds, two from Mokuba and one from Seto, and isn't feeling happy. The satisfaction from their round at Seto's house has worn off and now he aches.

He's grumpy, to say the least.

"Well, the thing is—" Before Sanouke can respond, something moves in his pants and lets out a shrill noise. It's not the item that _usually _moves in his pants, but more to the side. He doesn't want to touch the area in case Sanouke thinks he's masturbating, or something. It vibrates again, though, after second, and the shrill sound is heard again.

Katsuya feels like an idiot when he realizes its in his pocket. He pulls out . . . a cell phone. Popping it open with a sidelong glance at Seto, he answers it in a gruff voice. "Hello?"

"**Where are you, Kaiba-sama?**" an angry voice screams through the phone. Katsuya quickly shoots Seto a confused look, and he shrugs in response.

"Um, at a . . . home away from home?" he replies unsurely.

"I left you nearly _fifty_ messages! We have a very important meeting today!" The voice sounds very distressed, and Katsuya feels bad having to avoid this meeting, but he cannot go to a meeting in Seto's body. For one, he will cause KaibaCorp to fall into bankruptcy faster than you can say Katsuya Is Not A Businessman.

"Oh my _god!_ My brother just gotten bitten by a wild raccoon! I've got to go, I think that raccoon had rabies! Yep, it did. Ta." He closes the phone with a click, and sighs. That was possibly the worst excuse he's ever come up with.

"What did she say?" Seto asks, sounding worried.

"Nothing important," Katsuya assures him, but he doesn't look convinced.

"A raccoon?" Sanouke asks incredulously, and then shakes her head as if she doesn't even want to know.

"Can you do it or not?" Katsuya repeats, once again getting back on track.

"Well, the thing is—" The phone in Katsuya's hand rings once again, and he opens it angrily. "What!"

A sinister voice answers. "We have just taken your lover hostage. If you want—"

"My lover is sitting less than a meter away from me," Katsuya interrupts dryly.

"Not that one! The cute blonde one with the gravity defying spikes!" By the speaker's tone of voice when she says that, it's clear that she is an obsessive SetoYuugi fangirl.

"S-_I _am not having sex with Yuugi Mutoh," Katsuya replies, annoyed. He has said this same phrase too many times for his liking.

"What!" Seto cries from the other side of Mokuba.

"You are entitled to your own opinions, no matter how wrong they may be—"

"**_I_ am Kaiba Seto!** I know who I have sex with, for god's sake! **I am hanging up now**."

"No! Wait, we have Yuugi ho—" Click.

Katsuya looks at Sanouke again. "You were saying?"

"Well, as I was saying being I was rudely interrupted . . . there's a—"

Katsuya jumps up. "Holy shit! Someone's kidnapped Yuugi! Try to get this damn cell phone to call that number back! Yuugi's in danger!"

Seto grabs the phone, and begins pressing some numbers. "What level of danger? No Gel danger, Duel danger, End of World danger or Fangirl danger?"

"Fangirl danger!" Seto's eyes widen in shock.

"Oh god. I hope it's not too late . . . I don't like him, but I never wished _this_ upon him!"

Sanouke stares at them blankly, not even attempting to look as if she understands them at all.

* * *

**I never even planned for Yuugi to get kidnapped until I typed it in. Ha.**

**The Exorcist scared the bejesus out of me. I seriously _cried_. Battle Royale was just gory. XP And The Notebook just wasn't as good as everyone seems to think it was! JESUS.**

**This chapter is really weird, isn't it?**


	6. Fear Kurosakisama and Flee

******FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me.**_

**Okay. I said the _last_ chapter was weird? I take it back. This takes the cake. What drugs was I on when I wrote this, I don't know. If you're confused, I'm sorry. I'll try to clear things up next chapter.**

**God, I even sketched out a little drawing for this story. I have far too much time on my hands.**

**Oh, and Lily Bob, here's your Honda with raging hormones. Well, a peek. No Otogi, though, sorry.

* * *

**

And there they are, three males and one female standing under a rather bright streetlight. They don't mind, seeing as how it's five o'clock in the afternoon.

"Is she coming, or not?" Mokuba is beginning to get irritated with this whole thing.

"Why am I even here with you!" Sanouke cries despairingly. This is ridiculous, she thinks to herself. For some reason she tagged along when Katsuya, Seto and Mokey ran off to the place where the Rabid Fangirl had decided to meet up.

Katsuya—although, really, it's _Seto_ in there—gives her a scathing look. "If you really don't want to be here, you can wait in the car."

"What? And miss you _demolish_ that Rabid Fangirl?" She snorts incredulously. "Not bloody likely!"

Mokuba's loud cry of joy interrupts Katsuya before he can reply with some sort of derisive remark. "There! Is that her?" Before Sanouke can scold him for his lack of manners—he's pointing right at the approaching figures shamelessly—Katsuya jumps up excitedly.

"Yuugi-kun! Is that you, there?"

Before Katsuya can say another word, though, someone bombs him. Well, that's what if feels like to him, at least. There's a small chance it isn't, though, because as far as Katsuya knows bombs don't have arms and dark brown hair. "Ahhhh! SETO-KUUUUUNNN!" The bomb cries in a very _high_ voice.

"Ahhhh! SETO-CHAN, it's a _bomb_!" He tries to pull the bomb away with his bare hands, but with Seto's exercised-deprived body, there's no way he's getting her off.

"It's the fangirl, you idiot," Sanouke replies in an amused voice, and quickly pulls something out of the inside of her jacket.

"What the—" All three males stare at her with identical expressions of complete shock. The fangirl—because it wasn't a _bomb_, that was just Katsuya being a dumbass—is too busy nuzzling Seto's lanky figure to notice.

And then she is hit on over the head with a dildo.

It is obvious in that moment Sanouke is not an old lady, and also that she is not a young lady. She's a deranged weirdo witch that belongs in some sort of institute. Would a _sane_ person go around carrying a bright green dildo inside her coat? No, they would not, in case that question is difficult to answer.

In any case, the fangirl is now lying on the ground—twitching every few seconds—and Katsuya is huddled behind a wide-eyed Seto. Mokuba off to join Yuugi—who the fangirl left across the street in her hurry to reach Seto. After all, Yuugi _did_ delay the end of the world at least _five_ times before he was twenty. Perhaps his purple-slash-blonde hair held unimaginable powers of some sort. Either way, Mokuba hopes he'll stand a chance against an angry witch with a dildo.

"Finally! I shut that little bitch_ up!_" Sighing, and pushing the neo green weapon back into its hiding place in her coat, Sanouke does not notice the odd looks that everyone—not counting the unconscious fangirl—is giving her. "Can we go back now? See, Katsuya? I told you that you weren't going to need to give her your body as payment."

"You _never_ said that!" Katsuya cries indignantly, despite his immense fear of the bulge in her chest. "You said one has to be willing to do _anything_ when faced with crazed fangirls!"

"Precisely! Why do you think I brought Kurosaki-sama?" She pats the swell lovingly.

"You _named_ that _thing_!" An outraged voice calls from across the street. Sanouke, Seto and Katsuya all follow the direction of the voice and find themselves being taken aback . . . again. Damn, the surprises just _keep on coming_!

"Seto-chan! It's the fangirl! I think she's some sort of superhero, because she survived Sanouke's attack without a single scratch!" And so it seems, because standing next to Mokuba and a liberated Yuugi, stands a tall girl with short brown hair and a derisive expression pasted on her face. She looks no older than fifteen, and so _obviously_ foreign.

"Hey! Are you from Italy?" Sanouke calls out to the girl. In reply she gets hit in the forehead with a large, light pink, plastic knife.

"Damn it, _no_! I'm _COLOMBIAN_, damn it!" She begins raging around Yuugi and Mokuba, causing the two short boys to look extremely frightened—with good reason, of course.

"Wait!" Seto cries out, using his eyes expertly to notice the answer to the age-old question: _What is wrong with this picture_? "The fangirl is still lying on the ground. How is she over there?" He nods over to the girl stand with Mokuba and Yuugi, still glaring angrily because of Sanouke's comment.

"Hi! Jou-kun!" Yuugi's waving rather energetically for a shrimp who just recently got kidnapped by a fangirl, and possibly her . . . twin. Or perhaps she's an alien.

"Hi, Yuugi-chan," Katsuya replies, anything but energetically. His mind is hurting from all these things going 'round and 'round. Fangirls? Twins? Kurosaki-sama?

Sudden Katsuya gets a . . . well he has an idea. He's not witty enough to come up with a cutsie word for it, so he doesn't. He grabs Seto's hand and begins running across the street—thankful that there aren't any cars—towards Yuugi and Mokuba. Sanouke lets out an outraged cry from behind them, and follows on their heel.

"Don't leave me behind, _damn it_!"

Katsuya is breathing hard by the time they get there. Oddly enough, the street isn't all that large. Katsuya curses Seto's body and makes a note to force him to go to the gym more often. Will probably make all the difference during sex, too.

Yuugi gives Katsuya a worried glance. "Are you alright, Jounouchi-kun? You look really out of breath."

"I AM!" He points an accusing finger at Seto. "It's all because he can't take care of his own damn body!"

"I _so_ can!" There's a long pause in which everyone looks at Seto oddly. When did Seto become a five-year-old? "I mean, I certainly _do not_. I mean, _I DO SO!_" Mokuba giggles under his breath at his brother's quirky attitude. "You know, what, I _hate you all_!" With that, he stomps off down the street, in the opposite direction of his house.

"Erm, Jounouchi-kun," Mokuba asks Katsuya in a low whisper. "Isn't our house that way?" Katsuya shrugs. Seto must be hiding his drugs in some obscure place in his room. Why else would he be so _inexplicably _moody all the time, _even after_—

"Um," Yuugi interrupts Katsuya's . . . unsavory train of thought with a hesitant voice. "D'ya think I can . . . go home now?"

"No!" This sudden outcry reminds all present parties that there is indeed a kidnapper afoot. She is currently an _awake_ kidnapper, and Katsuya finds himself being . . . glomped by her, for lack of a better word. "Oh my dear, dear Seto-kuuuuuun, how I've missed you!" The fact that this strange girl is rubbing her face against his chest—which feels nice when _he's_ doing it to Seto.

"Get off!" He yells savagely, pulling her off him. He's never been one to care about being gentle when people spontaneously attack him, and he's not going to start now. "Stop it! Perverted fangirl! Stop! I'm going to get a disease! _Stop giving me STDs_! Ahhhhh! Yuugi-kun, help me! Mokuba-kun! Sanouke-sama!" He's so intent on this task of screaming his head off and awaken several bad-mannered housewives armed with pans, he doesn't notice that the offensive fangirl has been pull away and hit over the head with a large book.

"Hey! How come you didn't call _my_ name?" Seto asks, a frown on his brow, and the abovementioned book in his hands. "I knew that this book would come in handy!"

As soon as the other catch the title of the book, they inch away from Seto. Suddenly, in their mind, they have gotten more information than they rightly need or want. They are in no way conservative about sexuality, but imagine being a young boy and catching your brother in the possession of a _rather large_, hardcover How-to sex book. For men.

"Seto-nii . . . what the hell are you doing with that?" Mokuba asks his onii-sama, pointing to the large book.

"I . . .erm . . . " At least he has the decency to look embarrassed. "It's Katsuya-chan's!" He answers quickly, throwing it at him.

"What. . . what!" Katsuya sputters, kicking the book away as soon as it lands on his lap—he's still on the ground. "No, it's not!"

And chaos ensues. That is, until Sanouke gets tired of their annoying antics, and knocks them all out with one swipe, thanks to Kurosaki-sama.

* * *

"_Oh_, Seto-chhaaaannn, that sure feels niiice." 

"Yes, _there_, Katsuya-chan. Oh _god_, don't stttooppp."

"Seto . . . c-chan"

"Katsssuyaa- _ah_ . . . "

Mokuba exchanges an amused glance with Honda. "It's kind of scary how in sync they are, isn't it?"

Honda nods energetically. "I mean, how is it the two of them at having nearly the _same_ wet dream at the same exact time?"

"Actually, I think Jou-kun came first," Ryou adds, unhelpfully.

Yuugi raises an eyebrow, but his cuteness is still rather unrivaled. "You know, Ryou, I don't want to know how you realized that. I really don't."

Honda leans forward curiously, "I would. Unless it has something to do with staring at Jou-kun's—"

He is not allowed to finish what he was saying before something flat and thin hits him on the head and shatters. "Hentaaaiiii!" Anzu cries, pointing at Honda and Ryou hectically and accusingly. "You assholes! How are those two going to get _any_ sleep with all of you leaning over them? What kind of perverts _are_ you, that you stare at people while they're having wet dreams, anyway! God!"

"Shut up, you little-"

"**Anzu-chan, I was NOT HAVING A WET DREAM!**"

"Your pants say otherwise," Honda mutters under his breath, covering up his words with an obviously faked cough. He gets a smack upside the head for his efforts.

"**What the hell are you people doing in my room**!" Katsuya whines, trying to shift the conversation from the sleazy dream he _had_ been having.

"This isn't your room." Sanouke walks in—clothed in her youth appearance—a tray holding several steaming cups of something balanced between her hands. "It's mine."

Honda is immediately up, and out of the chair he had pulled over next to Mokuba and Ryou's. Imagine Katsuya's utter surprise seeing Honda helping Sanouke with the tray. "Let me _help_ you with that."

"Stupid bisexual asshole," Anzu mutters angrily under her breath, just jealous that she didn't think of it first.

"What am I doing in your room?" Katsuya cries, sitting up and looking around for the first time. He isn't sure whether he's angry because he's not at home or because everyone's ignoring him.

"You're too damn _loud_, Katsuya-chaaan," Seto mutters, pulling a pillow over his blonde head as he kicks the blonde in a brunette's body.

"What do _you_ care? You're usually out of bed by the time I wake up!" Katsuya has completely forgotten about the whole I-am-in-a-stranger's house . . . for about ten seconds.

"Fuck you," is Seto's oh-so-eloquent reply, slightly muffled by the pillow.

"Too l-**aah shit!**" As he bellows out the last part, Katsuya is jumping out of the bed, displaying his dark red boxers to everyone in the room. Everyone averts their eyes, hoping not to see the evidence of his . . . dream. "My dad's gonna be so damn _pissed_ that I didn't come home last night! He'll have the _cops_ on me, no doubt!"

Sanouke sipping her drink as she leans lazily against the doorframe. "Ah, I'm _way_ ahead of you. I called him and told him you were _completely_ wasted and sleeping it off at my house. By the way, he's gonna want to talk to you about that when you go upstairs."

"Whaaaa?" Katsuya finds himself gaping openly at Sanouke's _nerve_. She couldn't think of a better lie. You know, one that wouldn't get him knee deep in shit?

"Oh, I probably _could_ have, bozu, but this is _much_ more fun." She lets out a completely _female_ laugh, and Katsuya adds another reason to his long list of _Why Katsuya Does Not Screw Girls_.

"Erm, Jou-kun," Yuugi asks tentatively, poking him in his stomach to get his attention. "Why is it I was kidnapped in the first place."

This suddenly reminds Seto of the happenings of the night before. He jumps up with as much speed as Katsuya had. "Bitch! You knocked me out with giant dildo!" Even though this is _exactly_ what had happened, Sanouke glares at him, obviously letting her eyes speak for her.

And her eyes said, "Don't be an idiot, I did no such thing!"

"You did!"

Interrupting their argument, a girl comes in, her hair mussed and her eyes still groggy from sleep. "God damn it, Sanouke-chan! Keep it down. I hate it when Mom sends me to stay with you! You keep the oddest company." With that, she walks off again, muttering something in English about the damn Japanese.

After a delay of about ten seconds, Katsuya cries out in shock. "Ah! That was the fangirl!"

* * *

**Yeah, yeah, ass chapter. Please forgive me, I wanted to update on WEDNESDAY. I like pretending I can be punctual.**

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	7. Do Not Fear, Zorro is Here!

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**Okay, when text is underlined, it means that it is spoken in English. Only Seto, Sanouke and Yuugi have taken the time to actually _learn_ English. And by the way, Jade is not racist against Japanese people, she's just _teasing_. (After all, she's part Japanese herself)**

**Wow, I guess you all like the perverted shite, don't you? xD Tsk, tsk, tsk. Your wish is my command. Sorry if this chapter and the last weren't as great as the other ones. I'll try to get back in the zone (Autozone!).

* * *

**

Katsuya rushes out of the room and into the room next door, nearly tripping of over the large pile of books near the doorway. "Itai!" He cries out, gripping his toe in one hand. He has completely forgotten how Seto's body has the balance of string bean wrestling champion (re: _none_ whatsoever) and falls over promptly.

"Ah! Jade! There's a—AHHH! Seto-chaaaaaaan! My love!" He finds himself once more with some crazy girl's arm around him. You know, this Day In The Shoes of Kaiba Seto isn't all that great. What with the fangirls and no balance and—

"Fucking idiot. Man, our grandma is the fucking _weirdest_." The first girl mutters, pulling the second fangirl's arms from around Katsuya.

He gasps for air desperately before crawling across the floor, staring at the two of them in shock. "What _are_ you?"

The first fangirl leans over, grinning maliciously and says in a painfully slow voice—you know, the voice used when speaking to young children that have forgotten the word for putting food in their mouths, "I am your _worst_ nightmare."

"Jade, stop scaring Seto!"

"It's not Seto, you fucking dumbass! Grandma explained this all to us last night. This is Seto's _boyfriend_. As in, he is _gay_. As in he is _homosexual_. As in _he has hard, crazy, **gay** sex with his **gay** boyfriend! **As in he will not have sex with YOU!**_" Katsuya talks about as much English as a Swedish person can speak Uchpa, but he hears Seto and _sex _repeated several times. Which was just about the only word he knew in English.

"Are you talking about me having sex?" He asks angrily, a little pissed that they're talking about his sexual activities without _him_ included in the conversation.

"Yes," the first fangirl answers bluntly, before turning back to her . . . fellow alien creature.

Who looks on the verge of crying. "D-don't worry, S- I mean, Jounouchi-sama! My name is Faye, and my sister's is Jade. Just ignore her and. .and . . ." It seems she can not hold back the floodgates any longer, and she runs out of the room, crying hysterically.

This . . . Jade creature gives Katsuya an amused look. "Faye-chan is a complete idiot. Ignore _her_ whenever possible." Then she follows her sister out, at a slow pace, and crying out in English as she walks. "Grandma, tell the damn Japs that I'm using the bathroom _first_!"

Katsuya stares at the two of them in surprise and is completely terrified. He needs some ice cream.

Meanwhile, back in the room, Seto is busy glaring at everyone angrily. Stupid Anzu, stupid Honda, stupid Ryou, stupid Sanouke. He could even add his brother to this list! Yes, he's going to say it loud and proud! _Damn Mokuba_!

"I am going _home_!" He announces firmly, standing up again, not caring that he is wearing only his boxers (Katsuya's damn spaceship ones, no less). "Give me my clothes!"

Sanouke pouts in a while she obviously thinks is attractive. Yes, if you're _blind_, Seto thinks furiously. "Not until you're _nice_, Seto-san."

"Not until you're _dead_, Sanouke-san," Seto retorts.

"Ooh, you're a fie—"

"Just give him back his _damn_ clothes!" Katsuya's standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his now-slender chest. "Mine, too, while you're at it!"

Honda leans over to whisper in Mokuba's ear while this exchange is going on. "I wonder how long it will take for the two of them to start ravaging the house for their clothes?"

Mokuba chuckles. "I say about three seconds."

But before Katsuya can jump Sanouke and throw her out the window—where he would traumatize some random civilian by having some woman explode in front of him/her . . . which is very _bad_, for those are not sure—Yuugi stands up, "Stop it! Do you guys realize you're acting like _children_? Bickering and complaining like five year olds! What you guys need is some—"

"Shut _up_." Jade has returned to the doorway and at her words one would think the world had come to a complete stop, because everyone in the room is staring at her in a slightly deranged manner. "What?" she asks, a little perturbed by this odd reaction.

"I . . . I don't think anyone's _ever_ told Yuugi to shut up. In his entire life," Honda says in hushed tones, looking rather frightened.

"Not even onii-sama! He listens politely, then says in fancy, smancy terms that he _should_ have told him to shut up because what he's spouting is stupid."

Yuugi looks completely blank. Not that it isn't completely adorable in an odd sort of way, but it isn't one of Yuugi's usual Expressions. Not Cute (Fangirl Translation: KAWAII!), not Confused (Fangirl Translation: OMFG YUUGI IS ALL-KNOWING! WTFzzzzERROR! ), not even the surprisingly rare Sad (Fangirl Translation: AWWW, POOR YUUGI, LET'S SMOTHER HIM IN HUGS SO THAT WHEN HE ASPHYXIATES HE'LL BE SURROUNDED BY LOVE!). He's just blinking.

"B . . . but I'm . . . I'M YUUGI GOD DAMN IT!" He takes a running start and rushes at Jade, a savage look in his eyes. In her perspective, he looks like a blonde primate trying to steal her banana. Very, very scary thought. Jade's eyes widen, and she runs in the other direction, screaming, "**My banana!**" The others just watch in confusion as the small boy chases Jade around the house, both of them screaming several illegible things as they pass certain points. Possibly in colorful language not suitable for Mokuba's young ears.

Ryou is the first to speak up, and he rises to the occasion quite well. "The world just ended, didn't it? This is a sign of apocalypse! OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! I WANNA GET LAID ONE MORE TIME BEFORE WE'RE ALL DEAD!" He runs out of the house, and no one has any doubt about _where_ he's going, or to be with _whom_. _Why_ is a completely different question.

"You see, Mokuba-nii? This is why I do not want you hanging out with Ryou-san," Seto states in a very smug voice.

"But Ryyoouu-kkuunn's got cool hhaaaiiirr," Mokuba whines, which wins him an odd stare from his brother.

"He's . . . got . . . cool hair?" Seto repeats. He is a not a parrot, so logically this repetitive phrase is not something he would usually respond with. If Seto were asking this questions to his very intelligent, yet completely robotic computer it would answer that someone had hacked into the system and completely recreated Seto's personality. Which is not the case. And so, this entire paragraph—excluding the first sentence—becomes nul and void and completely pointless.

"Why are we here?" Anzu suddenly asks, look at all the others. Others not include: Honda, Mokuba, Seto, Katsuya and Sanouke. Seto and Katsuya—having been asleep a good part of the previous twelve hours—were completely sure themselves and shrugged—Seto having apparently forgotten his little brother's reasoning on Ryou 'coolness.' Honda was called at the same time as Anzu and so has the same questions for the others as Anzu does. That leaves Mokuba and Sanouke to answer appropriately.

Mokuba looks at Sanouke pointedly.

"Fine. You are here because . . . I NEED A _BLOOD_ SACRIFICE TO REVERSE THE BODY SWITCH!" Sanouke's eyes get wide and she grins at the young girl and point haired secret lover of Otogi—OH GOD NO ONE KNOWS THAT YET, DAMN IT! HONDA YOU MADE ME REVEAL A SECRET PLOT TWIST!

Shut up, Author Bitch! WHAT PLOT TWIST; you only have a shadow of a plot to begin with, Honda argues with the female at the keyboard. Said author decides this self-insertation is no good, and gives Honda a good mental slap on the head before continuing with story.

"Oh _god_ no!" Anzu cries, and jumps out the window.

Oh, I guess if Sanouke _had_ been thrown out the window she would not have traumatized a single damn person because A) she would have landed on the green grass a good seven feet away from a pedestrian and B) she would not have exploded because she lives on the first floor. And Anzu—being the graceful dancer with the beautiful body that everyone is secretly jealous of . . . or in Bakura's case, _openly_ jealous of—even goes as far as to land on her feet.

And then she runs away screaming. "You know, Sanouke-san, that's the _second_ person to run away screaming from your house . . . don't you think it's a bad sign?" Mokuba makes an _attempt_ at being polite, but Katsuya does not know the meaning of this odd word. Polite, I mean, _what_ the heck is _that_? Some kind of middle-eastern dessert! Noodles? From Australia?

"What do you _mean,_ bad sign? It's a goddamn neon red sign pointing to her that says, **This woman is giant bitch that can't hold her tongue and casts spells on people**—oh shit. I was kidding. I LOVE YOU!" He backs away slowly from Sanouke's threatening glare.

"You don't _really_ need a blood sacrifice, do you?" Honda asks in a slightly hesitant tone. Seto wouldn't put it past her if she _did_ need a blood sacrifice. Even if she _didn't_ need a blood sacrifice, he wouldn't be surprised it if she _still_ did it.

She pauses, a finger on her chin, as if calculating the best way to break the news to the point-haired boy.

"She's _lying_," Faye smoothly inserts smoothly, her gray eyes falling quickly on Katsuya. He grimaces, and slinks over to where Seto is plunked, and stands behind him—carefully watching Faye the whole time in case she decides to descend upon him—and wraps his arms tightly around Seto—rather possessively. This is a clear message that states loudly, _I like to screw SETO-CHAN. Not you._ To Katsuya's relief, she seems to understand and backs off, reluctantly. "Mokuba wanted the two of you," insert pointed glance at Seto and Katsuya here, who have begun making out rabidly by now, "to have some company when you woke up."

"No!" Mokuba cries, insulted that this girl would make him out to be such a loving and caring person. "I wanted them over here so that someone would restrain you when you tried to rape my brother!"

Faye looks reasonably insulted, even though she had tired _just that_, and she knew it. "I would never do such a thing!"

By this time Jade and Yuugi have both rejoined the group, and have traveled to opposite sides of the room. "You were warm for his _pasty-ass_ form, admit it."

"How about you _shut up_, Jade? How about that?" Faye is getting a little fed up with this whole make-fun-of-the-hopelessly-pathetic-fangirl game that her sister is playing.

"You know what? I CHALLENGE you! To a _duel_." The two sisters take their usual 'duel' stances. Faye picks up a horse-broom that is leaning against the wall and clutches it in her hands like one would a baseball bat. Jade moves to pick up a nearby person when a scream pierces the air.

It's Yuugi, hyperventilating in the corner. "Oh _shit_," Honda mutters, moving towards Yuugi carefully. "You guys didn't mention dueling, shadows, challenges or bunnies, did you?"

Jade coughs innocently while Faye quickly points a thin finger at her. "She did! IT'S ALL HER FAULT!"

"OH NO! Yuugi's gonna hyperventilate now! What shall we _do_!" Katsuya and Seto aren't paying anyone _any_ mind at all, and Katsuya begun the licking portions of their _lovely_ display. Which Faye and Jade are now watching with drooling open mouths and nosebleeds. "I _said_ **what shall we _do_?**" Honda practically screams, hoping to get someone's attention. He fails miserably, though. Mokuba is covering his virgin eyes, and it trying to _not_ hear anything, and Sanouke has wandered off to get them some condoms.

So Honda is sobbing hysterically by now, already imagining the funeral when . . .

"No longer _fear_, _I_ am here!" A man dressed in a large black cloak, and a mask that carefully obscures a good part of his head and face, flies through the window that Anzu jumped out a little while before. Little hearts appear in the eyes of Honda and Mokuba, while Jade and Faye are still completely taken by the moaning couple on the bed.

The mysterious man—who may smell like sunflowers, or possibly like death, or sex, depending on what anime you've been watching a lot of lately—wraps Yuugi up in his arms and brings their lips together in a display of passion and incongruous heroics. Yuugi's small body suddenly stops flailing, and he gazes up numbly at the man kissing him breathless. When said man finally lets Yuugi go—lightly and carefully, Honda and Mokuba note jealously—he shoots him a wide, friendly grin, and takes Mokuba's arm in a firm grip.

"I am _kidnapping_ your brother, Kaiba-san! _FOLLOW ME IF YOU DARE!_" With that, he flies out the window again, with the young black-haired boy in tow—giggling inanely, by the way.

Seto opens a glazed eye as he hears _someone_ call his name—someone that isn't _Katsuya_, that is—and cocks his head in confusion. These thoughts are quickly knocked away by Katsuya—or something that belongs to him . . . well, _technically _to Seto, but who cares about _that_ anymore?

"SETO-SAMA!" Yuugi cries, Honda taking this moment to cover his eyes before he catches sight of his best friend groping the CEO savagely. "Your brother just got kidnapped!"

And then the world seems to stop for Seto. Even his body and arousal seems to become numb and eventually stops completely. All he knows are those words . . . _your brother just got kidnapped_. When you come to expect something like a second nature, and then it finally happens . . . you can't help but respond like this. He slowly pushes a confused Katsuya off, and fixes the space-ship boxers—to Jade and Faye's disappointment.

"The time has come, then," he says in a voice that sounds a little _sad_, even.

"What! What happened?" Katsuya asks angrily, pissed off that someone interrupted their little . . . exchange.

"Mokuba-kun's been _kidnapped_!" Yuugi explains quickly, and asks Honda to kindly let go of his eyes.

And then Sanouke finally returns, and looks a little disappointed that she now has no one to hand the condom to. She mutters a low curse as she sticks the little package into her pocket. "What happened _now_?"

"My brother's been _kidnapped_," Seto murmurs under his breath, looking utterly defeated. He has failed his brother. He allowed his petty hormones and feelings for Katsuya to overshadow the responsibility he had for his brother. And now he is in the hands of a scantly clad woman that will seduce him into giving up his virginity prematurely. And then they will seek refuge in America to live out their lives as secret lovers. And Seto will receive a letter many years later, filled with pictures of grinning children and a suddenly _old_ Mokuba.

It's enough to make Seto cry.

"Well, we'll go _rescue_ him, easy as that!" Katsuya says in a false uplifting tone. He does not want his lover to feel badly about himself, and he knows that Seto is doing _precisely_ that.

"But where did he _go_?" Seto snaps, resorting to anger in his fragility.

Honda points out the window hesitantly. "Um, if this is any indication, I think that guy _wants_ us to follow him." They all gather around the window where the grass has been cut to read the following:

**Kaiba-san, I took your brother to the cave of your secret basement. There you will find yourself faced with many challenges. Defeat these challenges and you will get your brother back. If not, then you are one cold-hearted bastard and I will take this young boy to America where he will be corrupted deliciously by my handsome manliness and me (we are nearly two completely separate beings, that's how delicious I am). Love, ZORRO.**

How all that managed to fit on the lawn, no one knew.

* * *

**OH MY GOD! DRAMA! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?**


	8. Enter Elvis and Michael Jackson

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**I'm sorry for the delay. It being my birthday and allI did not have time to write. And when I did, this crap chapter came out. I'm so sorry about this chapter, which I am finishing at 4 in the morn. It is not up to snuff and probably riddled with mistakes. Accept my apology, please.**

**And thank you SO much for the loverly reviews.**

**On a side note, I've made LJ just for the purpose to keep you guys up-to-date onhow update-ish I'm feeling. You can read there how far I'm getting on chapters, whether they're going to be delayed, etc. Maybe previews, and such? This goes for ALL my stories, not just this one, so if you read more than one, don't be surprised if you read about this again.**

**Once again, I apologize of this sad excuse for a chapter. I'll try harder next time.

* * *

**

That is how Seto got laid.

I mean, that is how Honda found out he liked chocolate covered—

No, that's not it either. What the _blazes_ is going on!

Oh, yes. Of course, how silly of me. This is how Seto, Katsuya, Honda, Sanouke, Yuugi, Jade and Faye found themselves in Seto's kitchen. Jade and Katsuya were both frantically stuffing face.

"Wow, Seto-sama, you've got some _good_ shit in this house!" Jade manages to squeeze out of her huge cheeks—where inside lie globules of ice cream and bits of cookies.

"Pfft, why d'ya dink I 'ove 'im," Katsuya grunts as he swallows some ramen.

Meanwhile Seto and Sanouke are seriously contemplating how to free Mokuba from the clutches of this devious Zorro. By _seriously_, I mean that Sanouke trying to see how much cleavage she can get, while Seto sits there and thinks. By _contemplating_, I mean that Honda keeps trying to peak down Sanouke's robe.

Yuugi and Faye sit on the floor and cry for Argentina. Then they realize that what they're doing makes _no_ sense whatsoever, and they stop. Then, they start talking about anime. The two of them realize they enjoy shonen-ai and beginning talking about Gravitation fanfiction and pairings. Eiri is quite the cutie seems to be the general consensus.

"But where could the entrance into my secret basement be?" Seto thinks aloud, his brow furrowed. He . . . he _has_ to figure this out. His brother could be in grave danger. Mokuba is relying on him . . .

And then the floor caves in underneath their feet.

Seto stands up, sore and covered by a thick layer of gray dust.

"Seto! I found your secret basement!" Faye seems awfully excited, despite the fact she is nearly coughing up some important organ because of the dust floating about.

"As have I, apparently," Seto responds dryly.

"SETO-CHAN!" Katsuya cries out, running for Seto's lean, tanned form. His mouth still has crumbs around it from the cookie he and Jade had been inhaling. Seto finds that his pale face doesn't look half as attractive when he looks like he eats like a pig.

"Clean your mouth," Seto scolds, holding the now-brunette at arm's length.

"But Seeeeto-chaaaan, I could be traumatized for life for all you know!" Seto merely rolls his eyes. It would be just like Katsuya to get traumatized because of an interrupted lunch but not because his body got switched with his boyfriend's.

"I'm sure you are. Wipe your mouth."

Yuugi crawls carefully over to Honda and whispers, "Does Seto-sama always act like Jou-kun's male mother?"

Honda snorts loudly, and answers in an amused voice, "I hope not! It would really awkward during sex, you know?" He ruffles Yuugi's hair gently as the smaller boy blushes. Little does he know that Yuugi has to restrain himself from biting Honda's hand off. No one touches Yuugi's hair and gets away with it.

Honda's time will come . . . it will come!

Meanwhile, Sanouke is cursing off the damn house, and threatening it with a horrible death, mangled corpse and all, while Jade makes a half-hearted attempt to quiet her. It isn't worth the effort, really.

Then . . . they see writing on the wall. And what it says makes chills run up their spines.

Michael Jackson is watching you . . . (especially Yuugi!)

"Ah!" Katsuya cries, and manages to break free of Seto's grip. While Seto stands there, looking shell-shocked at the word written sloppily on the wall, the brunette wraps his arms around Seto and pretends to be scared—it's just an excuse to feel Seto up.

He doesn't notice the works scribbled in gel-pen underneath.

Michael thinks Mokuba's a really nice boy, Seto-san . . . FOLLOW THE ARROWS!

So understandable, Seto breaks free from Katsuya's groping, and runs off in the direction the arrows are pointing. Mokuba! IN MICHAEL JACKSON'S HANDS!

This is a _nightmare_.

* * *

After a long time—no one was smart enough to have a watch, so no one knows exactly how long—the group is tired, hungry and deciding on whether or not to become cannibals.

"Oi, Jade. I'm hungry as hell. Don't you have some candy in your pockets, or something?" Faye whispers as the two of them begin lagging behind. They really aren't in shape at all.

"Shut up, Faye, I'm not your personal vending machine, damn it. Go eat Yuugi."

"Eat someone else, damn it!" Yuugi replies, looking back at the brunette twins behind him. Everyone thinks that just because he is little and cute he must be tasty, as well. That is definitely _not_ the case, as Mai pointed out to him one time when she ravaged his mouth. By the way, she was extremely drunk and pining over Valon, so she was in no way attracted to Yuugi, apparently (it would do the boy no little amount of good to know a hottie with a body like Mai liked him). She even told him later on that she felt like a pedophile. "I'm never gonna get a girlfriend," Yuugi sighs.

"Don't worry," Honda is trying his best to be uplifting when he secretly agrees. Sorry, but no girl in their right mind would—

"Yuuuuugi-kun, you turn me on!"

There is a long pause in which everyone turns around and stares at Faye. She blushes and looks down, embarrassed. "Well, he _does_." Jade walks past her , shaking her head.

"I'm not related to her in any way. She is an alien."

They walk on. Yuugi and Faye are now the laggers, and no one really wants to interrupt their whispered conversation, so they leave them alone. Jade and Honda begin bumping arms subtly, which would be cute if they weren't walking down a long, dark tunnel that smells like New York City.

Finally, they reach the first challenge.

"Hello, there, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the HOW MUCH ANIME DO YOU WATCH challenge!" A tall, obviously mechanical man with long strides comes over to their, his hair slicked back like Elvis's—to much to Jade's enjoyment; she has an Elvis fetish. This man grabs the first person in his reach over to him—Honda, and gives him a hug. "I love you!"

In any case, the mechanical Elvis had Honda pried away from him, and was forced into revealing the rules for this challenge. With a pout on his lips, and a frown on his brow, Elvis began. "Okay, to pass this challenge, everyone will be asked an anime questions. Since I am a machine forcibly connected to Eveilae's idiotic-" He has a random spaz moment, courtesy of the lovely authoress, before continuing in a more polite tone. "-brain. Yes . . . well . . . "

"ME FIRST!" Faye cries, eager to show off her anime skillz. No one particularly cares, though, except for maybe Yuugi, but nobody particular cared about him either.

No one likes the main character, really. As As Winry if in her heart she really _likes_ Ed, and she'll have to answer that she does not. Childhood friends or not, envy eats at peoples hearts . . . not literally.

"Fine. Question one: In what track do Eiri and Shuichi have their first kiss . . . My god, Eveilae-sama. You are a yaoi fangirl but fer shiz."

SHUT UP, Elvis. Shut up.

"I'm _not_ Elvis," the mechanical Elvis whines pitifully while Faye cries in the background. "I think I look more like Mick Jagger, really."

Yeah. Mick Jagger, my ass.

Sanouke, seeing that Faye doesn't know the answer to the question, quickly comes up with a satisfying solution.

Kurosaki-sama _gladly_ gets rid of the nuisance for them. And so they travel on.

"And the road goes ever on and on," Jade murmurs lovingly, as she slips a volume of Lord of the Rings out of her back pocket. There is no way that a book of that size would fit in her pocket, unless she were A) fatter than three normal-sized woman, B) a witch, like her grandmother, or C) God.

"So you passed the first challenge, did you?" A high-pitched voice squeals, and they all turn to face this newest embarrassment of the human race. "You will go no further!"

It's . . . it's . . . some random person no one really cares about, not even the reader. So they ignore him, and keep walking.

"Hey! I'm talking!"

Katsuya and Seto decide that they are getting pretty ignored in this chapter. Although they prefer this to the angst and character death that this authoress usually puts them through, they want a little love, too.

"Seto-chan . . . I want to ask you something, but I'm not sure if this is the right time . . . " He looks almost embarrassed, which is something that looks particularly out of place on Seto's face. Surprisingly, though, Seto finds it extremely attractive, and he gives Katsuya his nicest smirk.

"What is it?"

"Well, so far this weird adventure of sorts has been humorous and carefree—not counting all the kidnapping and such—but . . . you don't think one of us will somehow tragicly die, do you? I'm really not in the mood to die or become some sexy avenger—"

"Like Sasuke-kun?" Faye insert, not helping at all. And so, both Seto and Katsuya completely ignore her.

"I doubt it, Katsuya-chan. Don't worry about it," Seto says calmly, wrapping a strong arm around Katsuya's now very thin frame. "I wouldn't dream of letting someone kill you, especially not when you're in my body."

Katsuya lets his head fall on Seto's now much shorter shoulder. "That's comforting."

Many idiotic challenges—most which end in Sanouke beating people up with her giant dildo—later, they reach a large chamber. It seems like something that was once used in Europe for duels and such, but obviously inside and not in Europe. Is this the end of their journey?

A loud voice echoes around them, and Honda's knees get weak and girlified.

"Now, Seto-san. You and I will fight for the love of beautiful Mokuba-kun."

This would all sound so much better if Mokuba were not a young teenage boy which Zorro is more likely than not, over twenty-five.

And so this horrible chapter ends, just to spare you all the misery.


	9. Do Not Cheat in Riddle Games

FLIPPEDDEPPILF

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**I apologize for this chapter. It isn't funny. I think it's Zorro's fault. Ever since he came along he's been more of nuisance than a character. Finally, he's gone. I hope he won't be back.**

**I'm sorry for the dely. I got sidetracked with Naruto. I think the next chapter will be the last. Dun, dun, dun. Well, here you go. Thank you for the loverly reviews!

* * *

**

The unlikely group is now sitting in a dark, dank chamber, where they had been led to as Seto prepares for the oncoming battle.

The fact that Seto has to _fight_ for Mokuba's love is a bit disconcerting, especially since Seto has been the only _real_ constant in Mokuba's life. Still, he puts on the schoolgirl outfit and sulks.

"I never thought I would see the day. The great Kaiba Seto dressed in a short skirt," Honda smirks at him as he says him, and they both know that is Seto gets up to hurt him that his ass will be hanging out disgustingly. Although Katsuya probably won't think it's a very bad thing, Yuugi has innocent eyes.

When one is angry, there are a variety of reactions one can have. Some, for example, push the anger down and dress their face up in a false smile. This works occasionally, but usually ends in mass murdering sprees or the nearest grocery store getting robbed of all their chocolate. Others immediately start beating violently the object of their anger, whether it is their rival or large bookcase that has fallen on them for the _last time_.

Seto does neither of these things. Instead, he takes this time to polish his secret ability.

Heat vision.

Seto, in all these years, instead of verbally or physically abusing all those that cause him to lose his temper, he glares at them. Or at least, that is what it _looks_ like. Actually, he is schooling his eyes to ready the heat he _knows_ has to be there. As of yet, his power has not yet shown itself, but Seto . . . he knows it's in there.

It just needs a trigger.

Unfortunately, Honda is not this trigger. So Seto has to settle for **flipping** him the bird and settling down on his pre-prepared chair to wait for Zorro. What the hell kind of fight is this anyway? Schoolgirl outfit? Is he supposed to defeat Zorro with a panty flash?

There isn't a whole lot of conversation going on, with everyone nervous, scared or sleeping.

"How is it that Sanouke-sama can _sleep_ at a time like this?" Jade murmurs aggressively, hugging her knees to her chest as she does so. No one replies, so she falls back into silence.

After when feels like a lifetime, a doors open and they all have to blink rapidly to get used to the bright light that is shining through behind the figure standing in the doorway.

"Zorro," Seto hisses, and gets up quickly, not caring about his skirt anymore. "Let's get this over with!"

* * *

"What!" 

Zorro sighs, as if explaining this _again_ to Seto is going to be one heck of a problem. "I am a genius of immense proportions, so I knew you were actually Kaiba-san in that body and not Jounouchi-san. With that in mind, only in a riddle game would you stand a chance of beating me. So we are going to play a riddle game for Mokuba."

They have been led to yet another room, where Seto is standing with Zorro, talking fervently. The other are standing on the side, where they glance occasionally at the gargoyles that seem to be stationed nearby to keep them there. They don't know if they really can move, but they look like they can, so no one wants to risk it.

"No. Go back to the part before," Seto urges, panic flashing behind his eyes.

"What? Um, I'm not Michael Jackson; I was just trying to lead you here? That part?" Zorro scratches his head, trying to understand what Seto's trying to get at.

"No! The part _before_!"

"Oh! The part where I told you I liked Simple Plan?"

"Yes! What the _hell_ is wrong with you? If you gave my brother some kind of disease, I am going to rip off your hand!"

Zorro sighs, resigned to the fact he will not be able to bring Seto to the dark side. "Just because you are fated to like disco and . . .crap, doesn't mean your brother should have to face that!"

"Shut the hell up! Disco isn't the only other kind of music, asshole!" This time Jade is piping up, and she looks ready to steal her grandmother's giant dildo and attack Zorro with it.

She looks a little bit like Naruto when he's very angry. Her eyes aren't red yet, though. Faye gives her a worried sidelong glance. Hopefully her twin won't do anything stupid.

Zorro flourishes his cape, and replies smoothly, "Young one, wait a few years and then return, and we shall speak of _music_. Not of Elvis and. . .Ozzy Ozbourne."

"I'm gonna kick your ass, you little-" Fate ends up holding her back by the collar of her shirt, as she tries to lunge at the black clothed villan—though he would say differently. He returns his attention to Seto.

"Are you ready to begin?" Seto hesitates, and gives Katsuya a backwards glance. Katsuya shoots him an uplifting grin, and a thumbs up sign.

The blonde nods then at Zorro, reluctantly agreeing. "Let's go, then."

A big, booming mechanical voice spills suddenly from the speaks mounted high on the walls. "Welcome to . . . Who Want To Be A Brother? Let's meet our contestants, shall we?"

"What kind of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ripoff is this?" Jade mutters under her breath, now having stopped her struggling, and sitting dejectedly on the ground.

"Get to the chase," Seto hisses. Zorro coughs nervous, and yells up in answer, "Regis, please just start. I think our friend here is in a hurry to lose."

"Of course, sir. Well, if you two are ready . . . here are the rules. No help from the small group there on the wall—yes you. You have ten minutes to answer each riddle, and there will be nine riddles. Whoever answers the most riddles, gains passions of today's prize . . . " A screen suddenly slides down from the ceiling, and in it, sits a seemingly content Mokuba, munching away on some cookies.

"Mokuba!" Seto screams up at the screen, but the little black-haired boy pays him no mind. It seems sound can't travel through the screen. Damn it.

"He can't hear you," the speak-voice adds in a singsong voice.

"Get to the first riddle then!"

There is a long pause, and then the loud sound of someone blowing their noise. "Look, guest or not, you should have a little respect for me. I . . .I have feelings too!" Huge, hiccupping sobs are heard, and a for a few minutes, that's all they hear. "Why don't I get any respect?"

"**Give me the goddamn riddle, you crap speak-voice or I'm going to find you, and personally rip off your head! HOW'S THAT FOR RESPECT, BASTARD!**"

Long, awkward pause.

"Well, when you put it that way . . . "

"**NOW!**"

Sniff. "Fine. Riddle number one: How many letters are there in the English alphabet?"

Seto snorts derisively. "Twenty-six. If all the riddles are like this, I don't see the problem."

"Incorrect."

"What!" Faye cries from the wall. "That's _wrong—_"

"Nu-uh. No answers from the side. . . " A wall suddenly slams between Seto and the rest of the group, and though their cries can be heard through the stone, no words comes through.

"What . . . What have you done to them?" Seto asks angrily, and is about to reach over and grab Zorro, and punch him viciously.

"Just stopped them from interrupting our little competition. Regis, the answer is eighteen."

"Correct! You are a genius, Zorro-kun."

"What! No there aren't!"

"Yes, there are. There are eighteen letters in the English alphabet. T, h, e, e, n, g, l, i. . . "

"Asshole."

* * *

Seven riddles later, Seto has answers five right, and Zorro has answered three correct. Even if Zorro gets this one right, Seto reasons, Mokuba is still _his_.

"Well this riddles counts for fifteen points, so whoever gets this is the winner—"

"WHAT! But that's ridiculious! You should have just told us this from the beginning!"

"Okay, Riddle Eight: A woman has seven children, and half of them are boys. How is that possible?"

Zorro laughs. "Oh, Regis, what an easy question! _All_ the children are boys."

"You know, what? Fuck this!" Seto takes something out of this boxers and throws it at Zorro. Then he rushes to the nearest corner to try and protect himself. Oddly, he falls through the wall—which turns out just to be a heavy curtain. Behind the curtain is a large corridor, which he follows quickly. Behind him he hears a large explosion, which is like music to his newly damaged ears.

A few minutes along the corridor, he crashes into someone. "Seto-chan?" Katsuya asks, sounding dubious. "That's you, right?"

"We . . . we have to find Mokuba!" He voice sounds weak and desperate, even to his own ears, and he hates this feeling more than anything. He's strong, he's almost a goddamn genius. He is the farthest there is from weak, and he shouldn't ever give people reason to think he is.

"Well, it's your lucky day, Seto-chan. Guess who we found in the kitchen? He refused to share any ice cream so we tied him up with some robe we found the in the torture chamber—"

"There was a torture chamber!"

"Pft, yeah."

There is a long awkward silence, then. How had they gotten here? A witch had switched their bodies for some obscure reason, and when they went to her to ask for her to return them to normal, they had been interrupted by Faye calling to tell them she had kidnapped Seto's 'lover.' When they had gone to meet her, they had gotten knocked out by Sanouke's giant dildo, and then taken to her apartment, where Honda, Yuugi, Anzu and Ryou had been called and updated on their . . . little problem.

And then Mokuba had been kidnapped by Zorro, and they had come to rescue him.

How the hell had they swerved so far from the plot? Enough was enough.

"Let's go home, Katsu-chan," Seto says, taking his pale hand.

"Agreed."

* * *

**Dun, dun, dun. One chapter left. OH EM GEE ELL DOUBLE-YOU!**


	10. The NEVERENDING STOOOOORRYYY

**FLIPPEDDEPPILF **

_**Yuugioh does not belong to me. **_

**Well, Angel, you wished to be inserted into the story so . . . TA DA!**

**Sorry for the delay. I . . . IT'S NARUTO'S FAULT! IT'S TAKING OVER MY FF LIFE!**

**LONG thank you list/comments are at the end.

* * *

**

They were all home at last, and taking a short rest in Seto's gigantesque mansion.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't _worry,_ Dad. I was not molested by some guy—No, Seto-chan isn't . . . what kind of question is that! I'm not going to tell you what brand of . . . No! Dad! Look, I'll be home in an hour, I've just . . . my voice is perfectly fine—what! No, I did _not_ go hoarse screaming . . . Dad, look I'll talk to you when I get home, okay? Bye."

"Mokuba-nii, did he . . . touch you?"

"_Seto-nii, I've told you **a million times **now. He only gave me ice-cream and cookies!_"

"You cheated, Jade-nee! "

"­Shut the fuck up, Faye, and pass the sake."

"You see, Yuugi-chan, the ancient of Eygptians weren't as card obsessed as your friend might have you believe. They enjoyed _eating_ much more. Between you and me, bozu, the only reason those people were so slim was because they carted around those stone cards. If they were smart enough to seals monsters into cards—for who _knows_ what reason—you'd think they'd be smart enough to make some paper, y'know?"

"Jade-sama, my hair is _not_ a lance!"

"Atemu-sama never told me Egyptians did _that_!"

A loud crash interrupts their conversations, and an odd sight greets their eyes.

"Why, hello there. I'm just popping in for a short hello, you know the kind, right? The kind where I greet everyone and then pull out a huge machine gun—" Kiddies, cover your eyes now, please. I do not wish to show you possible imminent gore, now do I? Off you go, hey, look, Pokemon is on! Go on. Okay, now that they're gone, this is the part where the stranger pulls out a huge machine gun. "—and I am it at Jounouchi-san . . . " He does his best to aim the thing, even though it is nearly falling out of his hands. "Bye bye!"

Katsuya stares blankly at the newcomer, his eyes growing wide as the machine gun is aimed at Seto. "Shit," Seto manages to utter before grabbing Mokuba by the hand and running out of the room like the devil had just materialized and said that he wanted Seto has his Underworld bride because Persephone is too old by now.

So now the stranger breaks out in tears. "Why did he _run_! I only wanted to viciously murder him! Drat." He swings the huge weapon around to face Katsuya. "Oh well, on the Plan B."

"What the _fuck_! Who _are_ you?"

The stranger gives Katsuya a _terrifying_ look and his grin seems to curl on itself. If you could have paused him and measured the sudden spiral at the ends of his grin, they probably would have fit the Golden Ratio. Having taken these measurements and recorded them, you could have then run and told your maths teacher so that he or she could steal this information, and sell it to some prominent mathematics company so that he or she can retire early and never have to face a class full of horny teenagers _ever_ again.

This stranger is not planning on pausing, though, so your plan is now ruined. Go tell your maths teacher that you've ruined their chances at early retirement. Take a Swiss Army knife in case he or she attacks you in their sadness. Katsuya quickly runs behind a nearby sofa, hoping the thing can save his life for the moment.

Damn it, why had Seto taken his last grenade?

Now, a few things will come to pass at this moment that you may see as unlikely or downright lies. But I assure you; they are as true as the fact that George Washington wore his favorite purple underpants when he fought the British.

For one, you must take into consideration that Faye, Jade and Honda were all extremely _wasted_ and half-naked (who knows what odd drinking game they had been playing, but one having to do with stripping, them being hormonally driven teenagers, and all). This was definitely not the time in which they would outshine the rest in their decision-making.

"Hey, there, dude! Ish would like an apple! Fetch an _apple_, kind sir! For I am SNOW WHITE and—" Hereabouts is when Faye is cut off by the fact that she passed out on the table, her drool making a dark brown mark on the light wood.

"Gasp, Honda, there's someone about to shoot your friend. Aren't you gonna _do _something?" Jade stage whispers to Honda.

Honda leans forward and replies simply. "Jou-kun likes lollipops, y'know?"

Jade's eyes go wide. "Really? So do I!" The two of them then look over at Yuugi, and it seems they have the same deranged thought.

"Wouldn't Yuugi-kun make a _great_ cannon ball?"

Jade's wicked grin is her only answer.

* * *

Ryou slams down about five pornographic magazines on the countertop in front of the tired-looking woman. "Just these, please." He waits patiently while she rings them up, giving him an amused look as she does so. They're all gay porn magazines.

"Aren't you gonna cramp your hand up with all of these?" She says snidely, slipping the magazines into a plastic bag that reads _Thank you, come again_ in bright kanji.

He cocks an eyebrow in her direction. "Huh? Oh! My boyfriend is restless and wants to go on a mass murder spree, so I've got to calm him down _somehow_." He takes the bag from her hand calmly, and is off, the little bell on the door ringing gently as he exits. The woman stares at him blankly, as if unsure whether to take him seriously or not.

Once outside Ryou runs a hand through his long, white hair. It's nice out today, and he wonders if he can somehow convince Bakura that sex outside is more fun than sex inside. He doubts it. He doesn't like doing the _other_ stuff in public, he says it embarrasses him.

And knowing Bakura, he is in the mood for the _other_ stuff. Ryou hopes that he got some magazines that won't give Bakrura any ideas.

He opens the door to his apartment in one swift move and greets his father loudly. Of course he doesn't answer, but this is a habit for Ryou by now.

Usually, though, he is greeted by either a horny Bakura pouncing on him and licking neck erotically or by silence. This time, it is neither.

"Hey, guess what Ryou-kun!" Set—no, Ryou reminds himself, it's really Jou, isn't it?—Jou yells in greeting from Ryou's couch. " There's a murderer after us so we're gonna do some weird dark magic at _your_ house. That's okay, isn't it?"

Ryou calmly surveys the sight before him. A very haggled-looking Yuugi sulking in the corner, an attractive woman setting up some candles, Seto looking very serene—no, that wasn't the right, was it? Calmly murderous is better—and Mokuba is sleeping on his lap. Mokuba is gonna be _very _attractive later on, Ryou notes with amusement.

"Bakura let you in? I'm surprised. Where is he anyway?" Ryou asks, putting down his purchases on the kitchen table.

"Oh, he went upstairs with my grandchildren," the woman answers smoothly. She pauses for a moment in her setup to look at him. "If he lays _one finger_ in Jade-chan or Faye-chan I'm going to turn him into a giant dildo." She follows she this up with a friendly smile, and resumes placing her candles.

Ryou runs at full speed to the bedroom. He doesn't even stop to wonder why a woman of her age has grandchildren.

"No, _silly_! That thing doesn't go in _there_! It's too big, and I although I usually force things in—I am a sadist and destructive bastard, despite my gentle appearance—but I don't want to _break_ anything. It won't be the same after that." Ryou recognizes Bakura's voice, and his eyes go wide. He opens the door slowly, afraid of what he's going to find.

He happens upon something he really did not expect.

"Bakura! I didn't know you knew how to build model dinosaurs." Ryou approaches carefully and gazes approving at the half-built T-rex on the table. "That's _great_!"

He expects some kind of condescending response from Bakura, but he doesn't get anyway. Instead he looks at his lover to see him glaring angrily. "Where the _hell_'s my porn, bitch?" One of the girls stifles a laugh with her hand.

"Hey! Don't call me your bitch!"

* * *

By this time they're all sitting around Sanouke's expertly drawn pentagram, and she's given everyone their own personal candle and a bead to hold. Seto and Katsuya are seated in the middle facing each other. Katsuya surveys his own feature curiously for what will be the last time—not counting just about every morning when he looks in the mirror. His face looks tense and serious; definitely not how he looks when he wakes up. There's a frown playing on his brow, and Katsuya reaches out to brush it away, as if it's a fly on his sandwich.

Seto in turn looks at him. He looks so calm, and almost happy, and he realizes again how _unhappy_ Kaiba Seto normally is. When Katsuya reaches over to relieve him of his frown, Seto can't help but smile. How did he end up with the blonde, really? The silly, idiotic, always hungry, always broke, always smiling Jounouchi Katsuya? He's Seto's personal happy pill, big purple elephants and all—occasionally.

"Are you two ready?" Sanouke asks them, and they each are snapped out of their reverie.

"Yeah."

"Yes."

So she begins the chant. Both Katsuya and Seto aren't really listening. Either that, or they _can't_ hear much. It's all kind of muffled.

"So, how was life as the infamous Kaiba Seto?" Seto asks airily, as if he couldn't care less. Katsuya knows him well enough to realize that he cares a little more than he's letting on, though.

"Seto, I am in no way jealous of you anymore," Katsuya replies sincerely. "If you are _always_ stalked by rabid fangirls like that . . . .well, I have a newfound respect for you, Seto-chan."

"You're implying you didn't have respect for me to begin with." Now, Katsuya knows quite well Seto is smart when it comes to technology . . . and language . . . and science . . . okay, yeah he's smart in just about anything. But it's different respecting someone because they know stuff and respecting someone because they put up with fangirls. One is respect and the other is OMFGLWspaz_RESPECTMEDAMNIT!_

"I would never imply such a thing! Do you think so low of me?" Seto's not dense enough to think Katsuya is serious, so he glances at him warily, and tells him as nicely as possible to shut his trap.

"How was a day in the life of Jou-kun?" Katsuya counters, fully expecting for Seto to answer sarcastically or roll his eyes.

"Bah. You never have money, Katsuya. I never thought I'd miss a omnipresent cash flow until I no longer had it." Seto does right then the closest thing Katsuya has ever seen to a pout.

"SETO-CHAN! You're so _bloody_ kawaii!" He wants to hug the now-blondie, but every move feels as if he's going through jello. Not fun, and not easy. He gives up and sticks with _kawaii_.

"You're an idiot, Katsuya-chan."

"You know, Seto . . . you're still wearing that school girl outfit. I can see your panties." Seto pulls down his skirt as far as it will go and blushes prettily.

They don't say a whole lot after that, and just listen to the far-off sounding voice of the others. Everyone seems to have joined in with Sanouke. Katsuya and Seto can't rightly say they're very interested. If they had ever wanted to know some magicky spells, they would have learned some by now.

Then they pass out, for one reason or another, and in case you don't know, that usually means you can't hear anything. And so, they missed the action.

What action? Did a bear _actually_ come through Domino wrecking havoc on innocent bystanders and random drug dealers? No, I must admit, that did not occur. You know a bear would not run through Domino because, really, it would be more scared of the people than they would be of it. Unless he was starving and a girl happens to be wearing a revealing skirt. I've heard schoolgirl legs are quite scrumptious.

Did aliens come down to Earth like Anzu claims and take Yuugi and Honda up to their spaceships because of their odd pointy hair? No, they did not. Yuugi would probably shoot them down with the secret guns he has hidden in those purple locks of his. You know they're in there. You really think that little kid defeats villains with _cards_? Psh, not likely.

You see, you remember that irksome topic of a murderer that popped up a little while ago? And how he was trying to kill Katsuya and Seto, and all? Well, in case you didn't, now you know.

Well, he decided to pay them a surprise visit. And completely trashed Ryou's place by running around chasing after everyone with a large morningstar. If I had been there, I would not have run, no siree. I would have asked him where the _hell_ he managed to get a morningstar from. The only morningstar I've ever seen was in Neverwinter Nights, and as sane people all know, Neverwinter Nights is completely real, so they hog all those fancy weapons to themselves.

But I was not there, alas.

And so they ran, and the stranger trashed. Eventually he got really tired, and went into the kitchen to look for something to eat. On his way there he caught sight of the porno magazines which Bakura had left there for later use.

He gets a nosebleed and sits down to read them.

"Hey!" Bakura yells indignantly. "Those are mine! Get your grubby hands _off_!" Now, while the others were running—sans Katsuya and Seto because as I said they were still passed out—Bakura was just sitting by them, guarding them. For some reason the stranger—who we will now call Angel because that happens to be his name—knew instinctively not to mess with the sadistic Bakura, and ran after everyone else.

But now he's gotten Bakura pissed off. Bakura approaches him like a . . . a ravenous bear looking for an arm to nibble one. And he promptly throws him out a nearby window, which makes the others wonder why he didn't do that to begin with.

"Hey, who wants to watch some Azumanga Daioh?" Ryou asks conversationally, and everyone agrees promptly, expect for Bakura. He has a secret crush on Chiyo-chan, and Ryou tends to tease him about it incessantly whenever they watch it, so he says he'll be in his room. He snatches the magazines out of Jade's sneaky hands and stomps off.

Ryou wonders if he should follow and try and cheer . . . and then he remembers what Bakura's definition of 'cheer up' is, and quickly changes his mind.

While they are all crowded around Ryou's television set, Katsuya and Seto groggily awaken.

"What the _hell?_" Katsuya murmurs, holding his head. He has the worst headache, and he _knows_ he hasn't gotten drunk lately. Then he remembers the last few days, and looks down quickly at his hands.

They're big and tanned and wonderfully, amazingly, deliciously_ his_. "Oh, how I've _missed_ you," he purrs, rubbing his hands across his face in his happiness. "This is the best moment of my life."

"Hey!" Seto snaps huffily from about a foot away. "My hands aren't _that_ bad, damn it."

"But you're so _whimsy_, Seto-chan! You don't get out enough." He grins playfully as he says this, wondering if Seto will take the bait.

He doesn't, not quite. Instead he frowns, and crosses his arms. "Big, strong hands are overrated, in any case."

Katsuya takes this as an invitation, and crawls over to him on all fours. "How about I change your mind." He loves the sight of Seto, having been robbed of it for quite a bit. The dark brown hair Katsuya suspects Seto takes too much care of; those introverted blue eyes that gaze at him as if from miles off, that pale skin that Katsuya is just _dying_ to redden.

Yum.

Seto finds himself laying on his back quite suddenly, with Katsuya leaning over him, that willful golden hair framing his face, which shows an expression that is just as obstinate as his hair. Katsuya's planning on having his way with Seto whether he wants to or not.

Bah, Katsuya is lucky Seto doesn't mind too much.

Seto likes the flutter he gets in his stomach when Katsuya leans over presses his lips into Seto's in a tame kiss. He also likes the way he _doesn't_blush now that he's in his rightful body. Not even when Katsuya's hands slide gently up his torso. Oh yes, he remembers vaguely, Katsuya's supposed to be convincing him of something.

It doesn't matter what, as long as he keeps nibbling on Seto's lower lip.

"Seto-nii-sama!" A voice cries from the background, and suddenly Katuya's lovely warmth is ripped from him.

"Guys, not on my _floor_, okay? I just got carpet installed." Ryou is hanging over the two of them, and Honda was the one who pulled Katsuya away. The puppy looks . . . well, like a puppy who has been caught rummaging from the food in the bottom cupboard in the kitchen. If he was actually a dog his tail would be between his legs.

He's still blushing prettily, though, and Seto can't help but smirk. Instead of answering, he stretches his arms back, and yawns, arching his back slightly as he does so. "It's so nice to be Kaiba Seto, again."

Eventually everyone is evacuated from Ryou's apartment, leaving him to practically rebuild it. They all pass the broken body of Angel below, who's playing an eventful game of poker with an old man from next door. "Whoo-hoo-hoo," the old man cries as he slams down his card. "Looks, like I'm the winner, young one!"

Seto rolls his eyes in Angel's direction. He has a very low opinion of gamblers.

Eventually they decide to disperse, Honda towards his own house, Katsuya with Sanouke and the fangirls, and Seto and Mokuba to their mansion. Seto and Katsuya exchange glances before they head their own directions. This glance means that Seto is expecting Katsuya over ASAP, sans the skirt, and Katsuya's returning glance means that hekind of likes the skirt (it sets off his eyes, you see). Mokuba sees these glances, and asks hisonii-sama if he can stay at a friend's house for a while.

* * *

Days go by and Katsuya gets hungry, and stuffs his face.

Weeks go by and Seto makes a new and improved video game for little girls, which includes a lot of ice cream and lollipops and little detective girl that looks suspiciously like Katsuya.

Months go by and the fangirls move back to wherever they came from. Faye steals Yuugi from his grandfather, but it takes him about five hours to notice, and by that time they're all long gone. And so Yuugi sends them all a postcard from New York telling them that women in NYC are very open and attractive . . . even for a eighteen year old midget with purple hair. Apparently, he is very punk.

A few years pass by and Katsuya has moved in with Seto, and Mokuba has moved out. "I love you, Seto-nii-sama, but I love my sanity more."

A decade goes by and Honda has uncovered Otogi's secret weakness. He's extremely ticklish, and Honda uses this weakness _shamefully_ and often.

Katsuya has found that he dislikes endings, which is probably one of the main reasons he never broke up with Seto. Endings are overrated, and smelly and they leave a bad taste on your tongue. No one likes endings, unless it's the end of a horrific and gruesome torture.

That's why Katsuya will at times start singing a song that hardly anyone has ever heard of:

_Turn arooooooound  
Look at what you seeeeeeeeeee  
In her faaaaaace  
The mirror of your dreeeeeeeeeeeeeams  
Make believe I'm everywhere  
Hidden in the lines  
Written on the pages  
Is the answer to our never ending stoooooooooryyyyy  
ahhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh _

_Reach the staaaaaaars  
Fly a fantasyyyyyy  
Dream a dreeeeeeeeeeeeam  
And what you see will beeeeeeeeeee  
Rhymes that keep their secrets  
Will unfold behind the clouds  
And there upon a rainbow  
Is the answer to our never ending stoooooooryyyyyyyyyy  
ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh _

Show no feeeeeeear  
For she may fade awaaaaaaaaay  
In your haaaaaaand  
The birth of a new daaaaaaaaaaaay  
Rhymes that keep their secrets  
Will unfold behind the clouds  
And there upon a rainbow  
Is the answer to ourNEVER ENDING STOOOOOOOOORYYYYYYY  
ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh  
Never ending stooooooryyyyyyyyy  
ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh  
Never ending stooooooryyyyyyy . . .

**Fin.

* * *

**

**Thank you reviewers for giving me the most reviews of all my stories. Most of you will probably have to look back on your reviews now, heh. **

**(x)Icy Sapphire15: **Well . . . there was kind of a plot. They're trying to get their bodies back? (btw, I cry whenever Hughes dies too.) Thank you for reviewing a bunch (NOT ANNOYING) since very early on and for wishing me a happy birthday!  
**(x)AnimeJunky: **You were my first real reviewer and YOU'RE STILL HERE! Thank you to pieces! Your reviews were definitely amusing, heh. Thank'ee for wishing me a happy birthday!  
**(x)Katsu Kitsune: **FREE POCKY, YAY! Thank'ee for wishing me a happy birthday! Huzzah, people care! I'm glad you liked the story.  
**(x)Harbringer of Doom: **I'm glad you were looking forward to Mokuba's state of being kidnapped, xD  
**(x)Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel**: I'm not so much of a Zorro fan. HAHA! YOU CAN'T THINK NOW BECAUSE OF ME! –laughs maniacally- I love you, too.  
**(x)setokaibalover25**: I'm glad you didn't crush me. I like myself alive and well.  
(**x)Growing Pain:** Mokey's a tough cookie. Being kidnapped didn't faze him a bit. I agree with you about me having a twisted mind, though. And I love it. (Don't let the rabid Anzu fans know but she annoys me too!)  
**(x)Ranma Higurashi:** Fangirlstendto bederanged. Scary.  
**(x)Hikaru Riku:** Don't kill me! No dating of Yuugi & a fangirl. Yes, leave it to Seto to find the romance in gory Battle Royale. xP  
**(x)Ryou's obsessed fan:** Perverted is the new hipster.  
**(x)Rosepedal:** Correction: Seto-kun and Katsu-kun _love_ the kinky stuff.  
**(x)Killian:** Yeah, the best parts in The Notebook were when the two of them break up the first time & the extra sex scene. xP I just started Battle Royale! Yikes. I'm only on page 75 & I've started crying.  
**(x)Lily Bob:** Yes, I gave Honda a better, perverted personality. Either that or I just gave him lots and lots of hormones, which amounts to just about the same thing! I love Honda, I really do. He's like my knight and his pointy hair is his lance. No Otogi, though, sorry!

**Thank you for putting this story on your favorites/alert lists:**

**AnimeJunky  
****Harbringer of Doom  
****Hikari Riku  
****Kawaii Chibi Kitty Angel  
****LilyBob  
****Riku Muraki  
****Rosepedal  
****Ryou's obsessed fan  
****SchizThePlushieThief  
****Sweet Drop of Lemon  
****CrossBladez  
****Growing Pain  
****Katsu Kitsune  
****Kawaiilover300  
****Killian**

**Did I say thank you?**

**May dreams of Katsuya and Seto making out make your sleep loverly.**


End file.
